A wife reads a book and says to her husband..'A cow mounts 300 times a year and you don't do a quarter of that!!!'
The husband replies, 'and where is it written that it mounts only one cow?!!!

Arrrrgh, ujinga ni kupatia kuku maji moto ndio itage mayai Boilo

AKINYI: hello, shiko i think my
husband is cheating on me
SHIKO: why do u think so? whats his
name and what does he do?
AKINYI: his name is Ombewa, he is a
pharmacist at umoja and i found
sweet messages in his phone from a
lady called beatrice
SHIKO: ok lets find out if hes really
cheating on u *ring ring....ri ng... ring*
OMBEWA: hallo.. .the digits being
displayed on my android 2960 as
incoming are foreign to my records,
which assembly of co-joined
alphabetical letters shall i embed to
the person seeking my audience via
the cellular?
SHIKO: hello mr. ombewa, my name is
sharon from the safaricom shinda na
milli promotions and i woud lo....
OMBEWA: pardon my interjection but
substitute the prefix Mr. with "Dr." b4
uttering my name as this will avoid
confusion with other ombewa's and
appreciate the years i sacrificed in
attaining that status. it is of paramount
importance that i percieve this
conversation to be channelled only in
my direction.
SHIKO: ok dr. ombewa, im sharon
from safaricom shinda na amilli and
im pleased to inform u that u have
won a vacation for two this weekend
at mombasa..
OMBEWA: finally safaricom has
recognised the reasoning behind their
hug profit margins steming from the
bulk calls i instigate for both local and
international. i accord ur gesture with
hospitality. .. SHIKO: ok so i would like
the name and details of the person u
will be taking to the trip OMBEWA:
where they seek her name, just
scribble the words "Dr. ombewa's
companion"
SHIKO: sorry sir, but we actually need
a name
OMBEWA: Beatrice njeri
SHIKO: ok, thank u sir... i want u to
talk to the show promoter so that she
can give u the details for ur trip to
coast *shiko connects akinyi*
AKINYI: ombewa wewe...huyooo
beatrcice kwisakuwa nani?
OMBEWA: ur promoters vocal cords
transmit sound in the replicas of my
wifes tone. thats astounding
SHIKO: ombewa naitwa shiko, from
classic 105..hii ni busted..
OMBEWA: u alerted me that u r
sharon from safaricom, now shiko
from classic 105. subjecting my
experience in the field of
pharmacetuals and doctorate to
practice i can deduce that u are
suffering from multi-personality dis-
order. i can prescribe u some
recomendable medications for ur
ailments AKINYI:wewe ombewa kwisa-
acha kutangatanga na maneno, ni
mimi bibi yako akinyi ambayo wewe
naangalia wasichana wengine nyuma
yake
OMBEWA: akinyi, nyar-loka.. yawaa u
achieved a job at safaricom as the
promoter?..with ur education tht is
remarkable
AKINYI: propaganda hawesi kusaidia
sai, ambia mimi beatrcice kwisakuwa
nani?
OMBEWA: akinyi yawaaa, beatrice is
just patient i treated and this un-
expecte d trip to mombasa was just
an avenue to assist in her
recuparation via therapy
AKINYI: hawesi danganya mimi kama
mtoto, Unataka ata mimi nihanye sasa.
si ni cha hivyo. si ni tit for tat
OMBEWA: yawaaa nyaber do not
retaliate in that manner. i detar u to
expose that which is matrimonially
exclusive to my corneas
AKINYI: ata mimi apana taka wewe
sasa.... en da na hiyo ndogo ndogo
yako na hapana rudi kwa nyumba
yangu
OMBEWA: u cannot decree a
personna non grata upon me as
regards to my dwelling. i am the one
who remunerates the landlord on a
monthly basis
SHIKO: si uambie bibi yako beatrcice
ni nani?
OMBEWA: first and foremost shiko this
conversation is recorded on my state
of the arts phone. my lawyer will comb
the dialogue and sue u for
impersonating a safaricom agent and
causing me emotional discomfort by
instigating deception upon my intellect
that i have won trip to mombasa
AKINYI: ambia hiyo loya' yako aanze
kutengenezea wewe karatasi ya divos.
mimi akuna mahali napelekana na
wewe. wewe naesa letea mimi hayaki
SHIKO: ombewa dont u think that u
shuld apologise to ur wife
OMBEWA: cease this dialogue b4 i
enforce another suit against u for
diminishing the voltage in my android
via this misplaced conversation
AKINYI: yaani wewe bado narusa
vitisho na wewe kwisasikwa na suruali
chini?
OMBEWA: akinyi depart from my
dwelling. you ignite cerebral
discomfort everytime u spark
arguments with my intellect. profits
has eluded my pharmacetual business
from the fact that i divert most of the
medications to treat the never ending
head-aches u inflict on me. i used to
think that u were my missing rib that i
finnaly found only to realise in the end
that i ended up with OKIYA
OMUTATA'S missing fibula. please go...
go and locate your tibia .

gohill wrote:

Usain Bolt wa kuorota riua, Karume wa mwananishi, Njonjo wa thuti ya stripes, Atwoli wa kagoti ga purple (!!), Raila wa nuthu mugeka (half a carpet!!),

Yawa!! Marende wa Order!! Order Members!!! Willy wa ka-earing

McReggae umeniua.. oh my gosh Luopeans yawa!!