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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2008 Posts: 3,966
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@nostop, hiyo kali. Hehe, guka, utajitetea ukiwa wapi? Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity. ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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80 yr old man (gukaish): "my 28yr old wife is pregnant" your opinion doctor??? doctor: let me tell u a story .a hunter is in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of a gun he moves into the jungle,sees a lion lifts the umbrella,pulls the handle and .BANG....the lion drops dead old man : thats impossible someone must have shot it ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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c/p It is the month of Oct 2011, @ Central Kenya. It is raining, and the town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays 3 notes of KES. 1000/= on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one. The hotel proprietor takes the KES. 3000/= and runs to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the KES. 3000/=, and runs to pay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the KES. 3000/=, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of feed and fuel. The supplier of the feed and fuel takes the KES. 3000/= and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit. The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the KES. 3000/= to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there. The hotel proprietor then lays the KES. 3000/=back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything. At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his KES. 3000/=, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves Nyeri town. No one earned anything, however, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is exactly how the world is doing business and barely surviving today!
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 1,491 Location: Nairobi
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In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?", "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" "Well, dear, how old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen." "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?" "How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old." "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about." The teacher fainted!!!  Kenya ni yetu sisi sote
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/28/2006 Posts: 1,799
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just seen this on a sockets FB post >Al mahia -a stone throwing terrorist.... >Al ehandro -a terrorist in a soap opera. >Al leluhya -a luhya terrorist. >Al varo -a terrorist's favourite drink. ...(tharr be more) >Al lowances -payments paid to terrorists. >Al hamisi -terrorist who operates on thursdays. >Al a? - a suprised terrorist. >Al umni -a graduate terrorist. >Al ex -a terrorist's former patner. >Al timatum -a terrorist final warning. >Al oof -a terrorist who doesnt participate. >Al fred -a terrorist who always denies everything. >Al most -a terrorist who keeps getting wrong the last minute. >Al liance - A terrorist school
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/27/2007 Posts: 2,768
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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen." ...besides, the presence of a safe alone does not signify that there is money inside...
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/11/2008 Posts: 257
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Almonds = Vitamins . . Vitamins = Power . . Power = Work . . Work = Money . . Money = Women . . Women = Sex . . Sex = Aids . . Aids = Death . . My request Dont eat ALMONDS I want to be a millionaire.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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dossy7 wrote:In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?", "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" "Well, dear, how old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen." "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?" "How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old." "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about." The teacher fainted!!!  A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/31/2009 Posts: 743
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C&P Kenyatta, Moi & Kibaki were lost in the forest and were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. Kenyatta came back and said to the king,"I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the 10 fruits up your butt without any _expression on your face or you will be eaten.'' The first apple went in.... but on the second one he winced out in pain,so he was killed. Moi arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.1...2...3...4...5...6...7....8...9 and on the tenth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.. Kenyatta and Moi met in heaven and Kenyatta asked Moi, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" Moi replied, " I couldn't help it, I saw Kibaki coming with pineapples " *****DEAD and burried***** hahahahahaha
Problems can get out of proportion, and not only in the wee small hours. Don't let the problems eclipse the Master. Let the Master eclipse the problems.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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Mpango wa kando - it's not just humans 
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436
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Jango's yawa!!!
A Luo enters into a pharmacy.
Omondi: "Attendant please equip me with that elastic, spherically, shaped polythene as i want to ensure maximum safety against procreation at that particular time in which my gland will have attained the necessary blood supply to facilitate rhythmic copulation."
Shop attendant: " hiyo hatuna"
Omondi: "Si ndio hiyo CONDOMS ako juu ya kichwa wako, ama hutaki kuniusia?"
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/14/2011 Posts: 661
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Letter to Mr. Bill Gates
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 're -scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Regards,
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 1,491 Location: Nairobi
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A husband crawls back home drunk on night. Next day he wakes up with a hangover and sees that the whole house is clean and his shirts are laundered and there is a breakfast already prepared. So he asks his son: "Hey Billy, what is up, why is your mother so nice to me considering my condition last night?" Billy answers: "Well, yesterday when she was pulling your pants off you were yelling 'Get away from me, bitch! I'm married!'" Enjoy ur wknd wazuans Kenya ni yetu sisi sote
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2008 Posts: 3,966
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KCSE 2011: Using Nicole's "Aki inawaka moto" discuss allegory that Muturi is a fire fighter. (25 marks, compulsory question) Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity. ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/4/2008 Posts: 1,703
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.. Think Positive Test Negative
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/12/2010 Posts: 201
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BREAKING NEWS: Kenyan government so amazed by 11/11/11 that it declares that next year, 12/12/12 will be a public holiday.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 7/22/2008 Posts: 1,139
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/23/2010 Posts: 1,229
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Worst recommendations / comments by bosses:
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
His men would follow him anywhere… but only out of morbid curiosity.
I would not allow this employee to breed.
This employee is really not so much of a ‘has-been’, but more of a definite ‘won’t be’.
Works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap.
When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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c/p Drinking and driving is extremely dangerous. on sunday evening while driving home, my close friend, while holding a beer can, took his hand out the window to indicate that he's turning right................ .......... and someone took his beer!!!!!
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 9/19/2011 Posts: 1,694
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2012 wrote:c/p
Drinking and driving is extremely dangerous.
on sunday evening while driving home, my close friend, while holding a beer can, took his hand out the window to indicate that he's turning right................
.......... and someone took his beer!!!!! ..... being a Friday it wouldn't be wise to do that
“People will believe a big lie sooner than a little one, and if you repeat it frequently enough, people will sooner or later believe it.” ― Walter C. Langer
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