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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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@Impunity, warning for your fetish for media ladies... 
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/4/2008 Posts: 1,703
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Question: Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it) Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. **** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. **** Men keep scrolling. So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen. A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/21/2009 Posts: 573
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/4/2008 Posts: 1,703
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StatMeister wrote:Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Question: Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it)  Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. **** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. **** Men keep scrolling. So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen. Think Positive Test Negative
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/21/2009 Posts: 573
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In the beginning God created earth and rested.Then God created man and rested.Then God created woman.since then neither God nor man has rested.
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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C&P Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you." A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?" If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Elder Joined: 4/22/2009 Posts: 2,863
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vinii wrote:An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each
other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was
finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards
her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
 IF YOU EXPECT ME TO POST ANYTHING POSITIVE ABOUT ASENO, YOU MAY AS WELL SIT ON A PIN
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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A Kikuyu guy goes into a bar in Mombasa. Njeri, the Kikuyu barmaid takes his order and notices his Kikuyu accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her 20k for the deed. Njeri is hustling and because she is short of funds she agrees. The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for 20k. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees. This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar. But this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner. Njeri is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention. She goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Nakuru. "So am I" she says. "What suburb in Nakuru?" "Section 58" he says. "That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?" "Oginga Avenue" he says." "This is unbelievable" she says, "where?" He says "behind the Catholic church" and she is astonished. "You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from there, we must be neighbours and my parents still live there!" "I know" he says "your father gave me 100k to give to you!" He who drinks Kikuyu - thinks Kikuyu! A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 1,491 Location: Nairobi
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A very prestigious wealthy man & his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later & walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." ... Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!" "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a colleague of the husband enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Matt ?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies. Kenya ni yetu sisi sote
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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dossy7 wrote:A very prestigious wealthy man & his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later & walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
...
Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember if we get a divorce, it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a colleague of the husband enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Matt ?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.  They must be french A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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Once upon a time there was NAKURU MATTRESS which later converted to NAKUMATT. Then there was TUSKER MATTRESS which later converted to TUSKYS. Then there was NAIVASHA SELF SERVICE STORES now it's NAIVAS. i'm afraid UCHUMI might change it's name to something like, UCHI.then we'll start getting strange calls like this,'babe si leo twende shopping uchi. The way I am
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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When Alshabaab are wedding,This is how they do the vows: "me, Yusuf Abubakar,I tek u Amina 2 b ma lovely wedded wyf,in shooting, bombing, in grenades & even bullets,till kenyan army do us apart."then the kadhi says "u may now shoot de bride The way I am
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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Kamau's brother, Chege Dies. Kamau Goes to Place a death and funeral announcement at Nation Centre. He is told that each word is charged 500 sh. He tells them to write..CHEGE DEAD!!. Nation guys tell him that the minimum number of words they can publish is 5. Kamau tells them to write- CHEGE DEAD.PROBOX ON SALE The way I am
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Rank: Member Joined: 9/14/2011 Posts: 132 Location: Darasani
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marex wrote:Kamau's brother, Chege Dies. Kamau Goes to Place a death and funeral announcement at Nation Centre. He is told that each word is charged 500 sh. He tells them to write..CHEGE DEAD!!. Nation guys tell him that the minimum number of words they can publish is 5. Kamau tells them to write- CHEGE DEAD.PROBOX ON SALE ~ lol. That really cracked me up. All you can do is all you can do; but all you can do is enough!
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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@Guka 
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 1,491 Location: Nairobi
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...Tension; is when ua wife is pregnant Terror: is when ua galfrend is pregnant Horror; is when they are both pregnant... And Tragedy is when you are NOT responsible for either of both! Kenya ni yetu sisi sote
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi
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