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aggresive behavior in children
Rank: Member Joined: 5/12/2008 Posts: 59
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My 3 year old son has these behavior where he becomes too angry and aggressive. When he is pinched he sure have to revenge. My cousin tells me her daghter same age behaves the same. How do we cure this or is it a general trend among children these days.
Help please
Your greatest glory is not in never failing,but in rising every time you fail.
Persistence means taking pains to overcome every obstacle,to do all that's necessary to reach your goal.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/20/2008 Posts: 6,275 Location: Kenya
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One rule of thumb: anger in children is punishable.
Do not punish pain. You must differentiate between anger and pain.
The first step in non-negotiable discipline is to set up consequences for misbehavior in advance.
When disobedience occurs,calmly relay the consequences.
At that point,don't negotiate consequences with your children.
If you're the kind of parent who says to their children: 'Tom,you know I'll beat you? Stop this blah blah'
Then you're already loosing control of you child.
Discipline is something that should be handled in private.
When your child misbehaves,quietly acknowledge the misbehavior.
Then,tell them that their consequences will follow when you get home.
If you feel like you do need to address the issue right away,find a private place (your car) and handle it there.
When your child starts thinking and reasoning (at teenage),start changing the tactics.
Start listening to their point of view,and when they are done explaining themselves,show them the right thing.
Connect with them.
AKS
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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Anger in children can be as a result of many things so dont think the kid is just misbehaving. May be there are other underlying issues. Try these site they could be of help on how to understand and manage it in children. http://www.athealth.com/...issues/childsanger.html
You can google some more info. on anger management in children. Some deals are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/27/2008 Posts: 3,760
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/26/2009 Posts: 15
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Aggression is mainly caused by frustration. Frustration-caused-aggression is also common in adults. To pinch a frustrated-angry person causes more frustration and then aggression. The revenge exhibited by the child is part of 'fight or flight' response.
You can try three things:-
1. Try not to pinch the child for a couple of days and instead show more love and care.
2. Make the child understand the 'wrong' before discipline. Most probably the child thinks he/she is doing the 'right thing' and when punished for the 'right' thing,this caused frustration hence aggressive behaviour.
3. You do not have to punish the child for every wrong done. You can forgive and teach the child the consequences.
The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty,but those of everyone who is hasty,surely to poverty.
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/24/2007 Posts: 68
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Sometimes back i had this information.- That after independence most children we fed with powdered milk got from buffalos. The effect of this was that during their youth they,on being provoked would fight with their heads just like the buffalos do.
I dont wish to scare you but we need to be careful on what we are feeding our children,what they watching on Tv and out of curiosity does kEBS inspect medicines imported into our country? Somebody somewhere may wish to distabilize the family unit to cause desperation mass indiscipline so as to justify a police state- a pillar in the envisaged NEW WORLD ORDER.
muthuri mwanake
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/12/2008 Posts: 59
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Thanks for the advice. I will try to understand him more. He is not an only child,i have a 4months old girl.
Your greatest glory is not in never failing,but in rising every time you fail.
Persistence means taking pains to overcome every obstacle,to do all that's necessary to reach your goal.
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/1/2009 Posts: 846
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Kids at that age are likely to be copying what they see adults do,if the child is left under the care of a house-help most of the time find out if she pinches the kid,or if he goes to school,he must be getting that from classmates/schoolmates. Talk to your son,explain that it is wrong and painful to pinch others,if you have to punish bad behavior,avoid physical punishment like pinching,smacking etc. Instead set rules,if possible write them down somewhere,and spell them out to the kids. the day they mess,they know it is wrong and know what to expect.maybe they will miss out on an outing,or start a rewarding program,for every good thing they do they get rewarded,every time they mess their rewards are reduced. Avoid shouting at kids,they get confused,also watch your language,the way you address them is the way they will address you,they will also address other people just the way you address them! Monitor what they watch on T V,and spend more time with them,then you might find out where the anger is coming from. All the best. The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. ~Author Unknown
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/28/2006 Posts: 1,799
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@mundu... eti milk powder from a buffalo.hahahahahahaahaha... so whenever you see a grown up fighting with the head just know its the buffalo in him.. and did those kids also fatten like buffalos..
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/26/2008 Posts: 365
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Now that @Mundu is very scary... considering that most of our kids are fed on formula milk!! I will praise thee,O Lord my God,with all my heart: And I will glorify thy name forever more. Psalms 86:12 If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love - Maya Angelou
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Rank: Member Joined: 3/6/2009 Posts: 172
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Very interesting suggestions from all.
It would be easy to blame formula milk or food that kids eat but let us not forget that parents are responsible for their kids behaviour 100% of the time.
A child is a computer chip that needs programming and if you program it wrong,you should expect bad behaviour. You have two issues here.
First is the issue of his behaviour after punishment and second is the reason for the behaviour. I believe you should seek a solution to both problems at the same time.
For the first,you should set clear standards on how one reacts in times of adversity. I say this because you might end up with a kid who destroys the railway one day for any excuse on this earth. I remember I used to be slapped very hard whenever I had a tuntrum. It was followed by a quick,'you should never behave like that in front of me.' The african in me never left and I believe that shock therapy is effective.
So when that is being solved,you should find out why the kid is getting so angry. Alpha has good points. That can take your whole life but who said parenting is easy. However,kids throwing tantrums should not be entertained. It is your duty to show your kids how anger is resolved. You might wish to stop arguing with your spouce infront of your kids.
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/12/2008 Posts: 59
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Thanks everybody. Wendez - that link is very helpful. here it is again http://www.athealth.com/...issues/childsanger.html
Your greatest glory is not in never failing,but in rising every time you fail. Persistence means taking pains to overcome every obstacle,to do all that's necessary to reach your goal.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi
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@Manmbao, Am curious.When did the kid start exhibiting this aggressive behaviour?. God gives,mugikuyu takes. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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Oh,you have a younger child? That could be where the problem lies. How well did you prepare the kid for the arrival of the new baby? Remember he was used to getting all the attention before the new baby. Are you and your wife now treating him as a 'grown'up and giving all the attention to the little child? He may be feeling left out or displaced and hence the anger in him for not getting enough attention and doesnt know how to express it. Infact,the people who come to see the baby make it worse but gushing how cute the baby is,how beautiful/handsome,you know all that baby talk... and for him??? nothing. however,you can help him to deal with the anger by showing him more love,creating time just for him especially when baby sleeps,getting him to help with the baby - like wiping him etc but yes,he will need the same attention he used to get before the baby arrived. check out this - you can google for more.... to get differnt perspectives of where the kid may be coming from. http://www.sover.net/~th...lry%20&%20baby.html
http://aces.nmsu.edu/pubs/_f/f-213.pdf
Some deals are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/7/2007 Posts: 11,935 Location: Nairobi
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@Wendz, You read my mind.......and am damn certain Manmbao will confirm that this behaviour started roughly a year ago.Kids are that sensitive and the person with the key to this problem is dad.......spend more time with the young boy,show him love,take him out in the absence of mother and the young one,show him how to appreciate the newborn and generally be playful...........Usually this disappears as soon as the two starts engaging in play and kid talk.... God gives,mugikuyu takes. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
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