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Rank: Member Joined: 8/2/2010 Posts: 480 Location: chokoo
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C&P
Only a kikuyu would understand the english below..
There are Luopeans, there is Spanglish...introducing, Kyuklish:
In 1990s, thea was a bus called 'Judy Smart Star' & it was carrying
the Nyeri/Othaya route. Let me tell u, this car was going. In fact, it
was finishing hills very fast & beating corners like lack of
importance. It even had song -the speakers were removing to remove!
Because those days there were no Michuki Rules, the goers were even
allowed to hold metal!..(Typical Nyerian narrating ;)
...that bus, 'Judy Smart Star' has received a lot of accolades; Let me
tell you, Judy was there a lot! (yarikuo muno). The makanga would beat
its ribs to stop for the goers and then load for them their burdens
(mirigo).The goodness of that car, when it caught the road (yanyita
faara), it was nywee....we wented, we wented & we wented. Let us went,
we are thooose! Tugithii, tugithii, reke tugithii.
Niithui acio!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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...Ujinga ni kuuza ng'ombe upeleke ng'ombe ingine shule
(Fro m std daily)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
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2030 std 8 History exam
20. In early 2008, the devil visited Kenya shortly under whose invitation?
a. Uhuru Kenyatta/William Ruto
b. Joshua Sang/Uhuru Kenyatta
c. Francis Kirimi Muthaura/Henry Kosgey
d. William Ruto/Francis Kirimi Muthaura
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
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karqui wrote:C&P
Only a kikuyu would understand the english below..
There are Luopeans, there is Spanglish...introducing, Kyuklish:
In 1990s, thea was a bus called 'Judy Smart Star' & it was carrying
the Nyeri/Othaya route. Let me tell u, this car was going. In fact, it
was finishing hills very fast & beating corners like lack of
importance. It even had song -the speakers were removing to remove!
Because those days there were no Michuki Rules, the goers were even
allowed to hold metal!..(Typical Nyerian narrating ;)
...that bus, 'Judy Smart Star' has received a lot of accolades; Let me
tell you, Judy was there a lot! (yarikuo muno). The makanga would beat
its ribs to stop for the goers and then load for them their burdens
(mirigo).The goodness of that car, when it caught the road (yanyita
faara), it was nywee....we wented, we wented & we wented. Let us went,
we are thooose! Tugithii, tugithii, reke tugithii.
Niithui acio!  Ndiiriga gutheka uguo. I love wazua!
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/11/2008 Posts: 126
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mwakamoja wrote:Betty went to a supermarket last week. She parked next to a car with a woman resting on the driver’s seat, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Betty came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but this time, her eyes open.
The woman looked very strange, so Betty tapped on the window and asked "Are you okay? The woman answered "I've been shot in the head, and I am holding my brains in." Betty didn't know what to do; so she ran into the supermarket where supermarket officials called the paramedics.
They had to break into the car because the door was locked. When they got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands.
A biscuit canister had exploded, apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in the head. When she reached back to find what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She passed out from fright at first, but then she had to hold her "brains" in as she hoped for assistance![/color][color=olive] dough + supermarket carpark + biscuit canister. they just dont add up 
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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An inspirational speaker said:
"The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife."
The audience were in shock and silence..............
He added:
"She was my mother"
A big round of applause & laughter followed!
A very daring husband tried to crack this at home.
After a dinner, he said loudly to his wife in the kitchen:
"The Best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman, who wasn't my wife"
Standing for a moment, he tried to recall the second line of that speaker, He couldn't.
By the time he gained his senses, he was on a hospital bed, recovering from burns of boiling water!
Moral: DON'T COPY, IF U CAN'T PASTE
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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MrTyrus wrote:mwakamoja wrote:Betty went to a supermarket last week. She parked next to a car with a woman resting on the driver’s seat, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping. When Betty came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but this time, her eyes open.
The woman looked very strange, so Betty tapped on the window and asked "Are you okay? The woman answered "I've been shot in the head, and I am holding my brains in." Betty didn't know what to do; so she ran into the supermarket where supermarket officials called the paramedics.
They had to break into the car because the door was locked. When they got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands.
A biscuit canister had exploded, apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in the head. When she reached back to find what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She passed out from fright at first, but then she had to hold her "brains" in as she hoped for assistance![/color][color=olive] dough + supermarket carpark + biscuit canister. they just dont add up Attention attention! Someone please listen. Mr. Tyrus is lost.... we only have two options to save him... ok, lets make them 3.... 1. someone hold his "rat" and lead him to a serious thread that adds up 2. someone read him out loudly the title of this thread 3. someone lead him back to his village, shamakhokho!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 4/9/2008 Posts: 2,824
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A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he’s going. “I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body.” The policeman asks, “Really? And who’s going to give a lecture at this time of night?” “My wife.” When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2008 Posts: 3,966
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Spotted in a Kikuyu restaurant : Ukiiticha kitu harafu umbadiliche fikira! Ujue utaripa. Shakura ikiretwo imeretwo....Haturudichi. Maji ya kuoga iko ije. Thafuni pia iko rakini tumia kindogo. Ukishikwo ukiimba toothpick ujue utaripa mala kumi. Na si mcheso.Kama unanunuriwo na mutu useme ndio aripisho yeye , kama si hifyo , utaosha thafuria na thani mbaka ushoke. haya basi...utakura nini sasa ?? Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity. ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/24/2007 Posts: 1,805
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Rank: Member Joined: 2/21/2009 Posts: 573
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/18/2010 Posts: 194 Location: Kenya
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Jus Blazin wrote:Spotted in a Kikuyu restaurant :
Ukiiticha kitu harafu umbadiliche fikira! Ujue utaripa. Shakura ikiretwo imeretwo....Haturudichi. Maji ya kuoga iko ije. Thafuni pia iko rakini tumia kindogo. Ukishikwo ukiimba toothpick ujue utaripa mala kumi. Na si mcheso.Kama unanunuriwo na mutu useme ndio aripisho yeye , kama si hifyo , utaosha thafuria na thani mbaka ushoke.
haya basi...utakura nini sasa ??
Nimechiba.
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/27/2010 Posts: 262
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Ever wondered about Guts or Balls... There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below: GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'' BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.'' I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death!!!! ha ha ha Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today!
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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hoodrat wrote:Ever wondered about
Guts or Balls...
There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the arse and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death!!!! ha ha ha
Dead man walking A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
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Rank: Member Joined: 12/7/2010 Posts: 520 Location: Epicentre - Ngamia 1
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Rank: Elder Joined: 9/7/2010 Posts: 2,148 Location: elderville
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A man woke up and went to work...He who can express in words the ardour of his love, has but little love to express. - Petrach, Son. (That men by various ways arrive at the same end. - Montaigne, The Essays of.)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 8/4/2008 Posts: 2,849 Location: Rupi
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Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5....
Kenyans!!! nime-sare...
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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nostoppingthis wrote:Little Johnny was just being potty trained and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants
2. Pull pants down
3. Pull foreskin back
4. Pee
5. Push foreskin forward
6. Pull pants up and button up
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny going 1,2,3,4,5,6 and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5....
Kenyans!!! nime-sare... ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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