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Just for laughs...corner
Rank: Elder Joined: 4/9/2008 Posts: 2,824
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 When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart.
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/22/2011 Posts: 322 Location: Chicago, IL, USA
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nostoppingthis wrote:jasonhill wrote:Absolutely HILLarious!
Now let me give you my version, which, I must admit, isn't so funny:
A Kikuyu man and a Muhindi man are sitting next to each other on a long flight from London to Nairobi.
The Muhindi man leans over to the Kikuyu and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Kikuyu just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The Muhindi man persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, you pay me $5."
Again, the Kikuyu politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Muhindi man, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, you pay me $100!"
Without a word, Mike reaches into his wallet, hands the Muhindi $100, and turns away to continue with his sleep!
CONsulting... a Beautiful name for a CON. really, you had to edit and put 'kikuyu'. it was quite different when I first read it and had no tribe It had Kikuyu in it when I got it from the original post; I didn't change that part. But for that matter, it could be any tribe or race, so long as the person lives in or does business in East Africa, it applies. Best, Hill
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Rank: Hello Joined: 7/13/2011 Posts: 9
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During a symposium organised by sexologists in Nairobi, a visiting professor was asked to give a talk on "SEX".
When his turn came, he stood, walked to the
podium, and adjusted the microphone to fit his height.
he then said:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me greeeeeat pleasure...Thank you"
Then he turned back and sat back down.
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 5/28/2011 Posts: 98
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leona wrote:This is a real story of a young college girl who passed away last month in Kisumu. Her name was Atieno . She was hit by a truck. She used to work at a fish stall. She had a boy friend named Odhis. Both of them were true ly in love. They always used to talk on the phone. You could never see her without her cell phone. In fact she changed her SIM card from Safcom to Zain, so both of them c ould be on the same network, and save on cost. She used to spend half the day talking to Odhis. Atieno's family knew about their relationship. Odhis is still very close with Atieno's family. (just imagine their love) . Before she passed away she always told her friends. "If I pass away please burry me with my cellphone" she also said the same thing to her parents. After her death, people couldnt carry her body, a lot of them tried to do so but still couldn' t. Every one had tried the result was still the same.They just could not lift her. Eventually, they called a person who knew one of their neighbours, who could speak with the souls of the dead. He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly. After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here." Then her friends told him about her intentions to be buried with her phone. He then opened the casket and place d her phone and sim card inside. After that they tried to carry the body... It could be moved and they carried it into the van easily. All of us were shocked. Atieno's parents did not inform Odhis of her passing. After 2 weeks Odhis called Atis's mom..... ...."Aunty, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me. Don't tell Atis that I'm coming home today, I wan t to surprise her." Her mother replied..... "You come home first, I need to tell you something very important." After he came, they told him the truth. He thought they were playing a trick . He was laughing and said "don't try to fool me - tell Atis to come out, i have a gift for her. And please stop this nonsense". Then they showed him the original death certificate. They gave him proof . ( Odhis started to sweat) He said... "Its not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me. Suddenly, Odhis 's phone rang.. "see this is from Atis, see this...." he showed the phone to the family. all of them told him to answer , he switched to speaker mode. All of them heard his conversation. ..... Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming. It was the actual voice of Atis & there was no way others could use her sim card since it was nailed inside the casket . They were so shocked and asked for the person who could speak to soul of the dead. He tried for 5 hours. Then he discovered one thing which really shocked them... ZAIN has the best coverage. Wherever you go, the network follows!!! Don't be pissed at me I am also looking for the idiot who sent me this mail...  
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Rank: Elder Joined: 5/24/2007 Posts: 1,805
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BREAKING NEWS- Arsenal matches will now be screened LIVE on CARTOON NETWORK until they get serious... Source SMS I Think Therefore I Am
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/27/2010 Posts: 262
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A husband and wife are in bed asleep.The wife is dreaming and suddenly yells,"Quick,my husband is home!"....Her husband then quickly wakes up and jumps out through the window.... Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/13/2008 Posts: 1,565
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bwenyenye wrote:BREAKING NEWS- Arsenal matches will now be screened LIVE on CARTOON NETWORK until they get serious...
Source SMS
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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LATEST: mulembe nite postponed until. "Pei ya sukari iruti jini" ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 5/23/2010 Posts: 868 Location: La Islas Galápagos
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C&P There was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy some 5-6 years old. The relationship b/w the couple was turning sour. So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than carry on such a relationship. So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid. In the hearing in the court, it was decided that this choice should be left on the kid. So the judge asked "Son would you like to stay with your mummy?" Kid said,"No, mummy beats me" So the judge asked "Then, would you like to stay with your papa then?" Kid said, "No, papa beats me" Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do... after pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child...... And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with......any guesses???????? ARSENAL - THEY NEVER BEAT ANYBODY!! A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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Stameister: lol Ati Muamar Gadafi amehamia Kitui, na anaitwa "Muema Kitavi" ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Elder Joined: 8/4/2008 Posts: 2,849 Location: Rupi
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Ati a Jaluo doesnt need a dictionary, its vice versa.He is not a window cleaner, he is a transparent wall technician. he doesnt say he is at Kencom, he is opposite Hilton hotel. he is not a watchman, he is a facility security executive. he is not a fisherman, he is an aquaculture industrialist. he does not fart, he metabolizes loudly.he does not sweat, he perspires. he does not bald, he reduces his hair to scalp ratio.he does not change the topic, he subverts the contexual preferences of the conversational obligatory expectation.he does not pay tax, he reviews his income as stipulated by the constitution. but do i say! Lord, thank you!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,325 Location: Masada
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@hoodrat, ha ha haaaa,that huzzy must be a wazerean...and the two dimwits are of the same xracter! Lolest! Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2008 Posts: 3,966
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Muammar Ghaddafi is in Kaoland using the alias Muema Katavi Luck is when Preparation meets Opportunity. ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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Cecily Mbarire told the husband:Peleka sh 100k kwa Pillow akapeleka kwa PLO The way I am
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Rank: Elder Joined: 8/11/2010 Posts: 1,588
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Rank: Elder Joined: 8/11/2010 Posts: 1,588
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marex wrote:Cecily Mbarire told the husband:Peleka sh 100k kwa Pillow
akapeleka kwa PLO ROFL.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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Mrs. Kamau comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.' 'No more headaches?' Kamau asks, ”What happened?' His wife replies, 'Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache..' It Worked! The headaches are all gone.' The husband replies, 'Well, that is wonderful.' His wife then says, 'You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don’t you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?' he agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the he comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, 'Don’t move, I’ll be right back.' He goes into the Bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes Passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, 'Boy, that was wonderful!' The husband says, 'Don’t move! I will be right back.' He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, 'Don’t move, I’ll be right back.' With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, 'She’s not my wife, She’s not my wife, She’s not my wife' His funeral service will be held on Friday. If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/14/2009 Posts: 2,057
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Baptizing A Drunk A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks the drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?' 'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?' The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?' The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.' By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds. When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again,'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?' The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure this is where he fell in? If you are an eagle don't hang around with chickens; chickens don't fly....
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/27/2010 Posts: 262
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Dr.Johnny had slept with his patient and felt guilty all day.No matter what he tried,the betrayal was too much.A voice from deep inside kept comforting him.."Johnny what you did is not new,you are not the first medical practitioner to sleep with a patient after all you are single." But another voice kept bothering him.."Johnny you stupid bastard you are a vet! Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today!
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