NJERI: nipatie KSH10,000, nataka kuenda saloon
OTIENO: Y do u need such a sum jst to refurbish the filamentous biomaterial growing from follicles found in the dermis. detail to me ur intended expenditure
NJERI: si nataka kuweka weave kama ya nicki minaj. hiyo ndio iko fashion
OTIENO: it was foreign to my intellectua tht subleting ur skull to estalish a union with artificial hair to enhance ur aesthet...ic appeal demands such remuneration.
NJERI: zingine ni za manicure na pedicure
OTIENO: i dont foresee frictionating the keratin of ur phalanges to b this costly? but anyway its noble to reciprocate care to them bcoz of the protection they offer to ur distal phalanx
NJERI: si unipatie pesa niende sai coz nachelewa
OTIENO: exume less tension Njeri(relax), & let me locate my miscleanous bank (wallet) & my car keys then i will navgate u to the bearings of the hair expatriates bcoz i also want to seek counsel with my barber and achieve pogonotomy with regards to my beard

Catch The Baby

A soccer goalkeeper was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.

"Help ! Help!" screamed the woman, "I need someone to catch my baby!"

A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. then the goalkeeper, stepped forward. "I'm a professional goalkeeper," he called to the woman. "I'm renonwned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball."

The woman agreed:"Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball."

On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as the goalkeeper caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.


A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that the there is a spare seat in between himself and the next guy.
“Who would ever miss the World Cup final?” Asks the man.
“That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.” Explains the guy.
“That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend or someone else to come with you?” Asks the man.
“No…..They are all at the funeral!”


The United and City Car Crash Joke

A Man City and Man United fan collide in a huge accident on the motorway. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.

"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends" says the City fan "I agree" replies the United fan

The United fan then returns to the wreckage of his car, and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.

"Look" he says to the city fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"

He hands the bottle over to the city fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the United fan, who then puts the top back on & returns the bottle to his car.

"Aren't you having any?" asks the city fan. "No" replied the united fan, "I think I’ll wait til the Police get here."


The bully manager


Our club manager won't stand for any nonsense. Last Saturday he caught a couple of fans climbing over the stadium wall.

He was furious. He grabbed them by the collars and said,

"Now you just get back in there and watch the game till it finishes."


Catch The Baby

A soccer goalkeeper was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.

"Help ! Help!" screamed the woman, "I need someone to catch my baby!"

A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. then the goalkeeper, stepped forward. "I'm a professional goalkeeper," he called to the woman. "I'm renonwned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball."

The woman agreed:"Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball."

On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as the goalkeeper caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.

hehehe

A Kikuyu and an American man are sitting next to each other on a long flight from London to Bermuda.

The American man leans over to the Kikuyu and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Kikuyu just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The! American man persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the Kikuyu politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The American man, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"

This catches the Kikuyu's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Kikuyu doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the American.

Now, it's the Kikuyu's turn. He asks the American "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The American looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers - all to no avail. After about an hour, he wakes the Kikuyu and hands him $100. The Kikuyu politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The American, more than a little miffed, shakes the Kikuyu and asks ”Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, Mike reaches into his wallet, hands the American $5, and turns away to continue with his sleep!

Don't Lie To this Robot

One day Ben's dad brought came home a robot.
The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Ben returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, 'Son why are you late from school?' Ben answered, 'Dad, we had extra classes today'. Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Ben on his face.

His dad told him, 'Son this robot detects a lie and slaps the liar. Now come on tell me the truth. Why are you late?'

'Dad, I went to a movie' 'Which movie?'
'The Ten Commandments' Immediately, Ben got a slap on the face from the robot. 'Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen'.

'Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies or misbehaved'

Immediately, the dad got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

On hearing the last statement, Ben's mother sarcastically said to her husband, 'After all he is YOUR son!!!'

To which the robot steps up and gives Ben's mother a very big slap on her face!

Pastor in a church service: The first person to give $1000 for a good cause will get the chance to choose 3 hymns today.

(Old Lady raises her hand first and gives the $1000)

Pastor: Now you can choose your three hymns.

Old Lady points at three different sections of the congregation and says: I want him, him and him.

really, you had to edit and put 'kikuyu'. it was quite different when I first read it and had no tribe

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha

a luo is standing by the road with his girlfriend when a vitz passes by....he then says 'darling, i will buy you that toy with my bonga points'.......hehehe

Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: Then OK
Dad goes 2 Bill Gates
...Dad: I want Ur daughter 2 marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is d CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Then OK
Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank..
Dad: Appoint my son as the CEO of Ur bank.
President:No!
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.
President:Then OK!
This is BUSINESS....