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Somethin to cool dem nerves
Rank: Member Joined: 8/24/2007 Posts: 68
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The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and tells whether you are qualified to be a 'manager'. The questions are not that difficult.
How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator,put in the giraffe and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Wrong Answer : Open the refrigerator,put in the elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer : Open the refrigerator,take out the giraffe,put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions.
The Lion King is hosting an animal conference,all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The Elephant is in the refrigerator.
This tests your memory.
OK,even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly,you still have one more chance to show your abilities.
There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting!
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Andersen Consulting World wide,around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many pre-schoolers got several correct answers. Andersen Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most management consultants have the brains of a four year old.
muthuri mwanake
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/27/2007 Posts: 2,768
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32. This matatu is always on time,it is you who is late. 33. Unajifanya ng'ombe ukamuliwe na nani? NEVER TALK OF A RHINO IF THERE IS NO TREE NEAREBY - ZULU PROVERB ...besides, the presence of a safe alone does not signify that there is money inside...
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 2/12/2008 Posts: 1,178
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A depressed young woman from Kiambu who was visiting Mombasa was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Indian Ocean. When she went down to the docks,a young sailor named Alex Katana noticed her tears and took pity on her. 'Look,you've got a lot to live for',he said,'I'm off to Europe in the morning,and if you like,I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day'. Moving closer,he slipped his arms around her shoulder and added,'I'll keep you happy,and you'll keep me happy.' The girl nodded. After all,what did she have to lose? That night,the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in one of the compartments and told her that she should not come out. >From then on,every night he brought her some chicken sandwiches and >fruit juice and they made passionate love until dawn. A week later,during a routine search,she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the Captain asked. 'Eeeh,I have an arrangement with one of the sailors',she explained. 'He's taking me to Europe,and he's screwing me'. 'He certainly is!',said Captain Ogola. 'This is the Mombasa-Mtongwe ferry'!!!!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/11/2008 Posts: 2,306
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Rules by men 101 These are our rules! Please note. These are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,put it down. We need it up,you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no,we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,all comments become null and void after 7 Days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls,don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat,you probably are. Don't ask us. 1 If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,we meant the other one 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it,just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible,Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors,like Windows default settings. Peach,for example,is a fruit,not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches,it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere,absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really. 1 Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football,the shotgun formation,or the girl next door. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes,I know,I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. God is good Great men are not always wise, neither do the aged understand judgement...
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
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This young lady wanted so little for herself!!! Bottle of Merlot A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there' and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds,not looking at the man,then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter,who was lingering nearby for a response,took the note from her and conveyed it to the gentleman. The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle,you need to have a Mercedes in your garage,a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants'. After reading the note,the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note,handed it to the waiter and instructed him to deliver it to the lady. It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be,I have a Ferrari Maranello,BMW Z8,Mercedes CL600,and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen,Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But,not even for a woman as beautiful as you are,would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back.' The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/2/2006 Posts: 519
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A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered
that she was out of credit,She instructed her son to use his own phone
to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After
junior had called,he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a
lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad
on the mobile. (Woman!!!!!!)
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon
seeing him in the driveway,she rushed out and gave him a tight slap,
and she slapped him again,kicked him in the nuts,pulled on his
testicles and spat in his face for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of
the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the
lady said to him when he called.
Junior said 'The subscriber you have dialed is not available at
present. Please Try Again Later'...
The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/22/2008 Posts: 851 Location: nairobi
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During my rotation in renal unit,one of our patients sent a cake as a sign of appreciation. The icing had the following: THANK YOU URINE STAFF. The accompanying card read; may God bless you for taking care of me when I was not able to help myself and I was disturbing you very much.
Whycliffe matakwei Died fighting for what he believed in.....
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/20/2007 Posts: 47
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a chick to her straying boyfriend....
'UNAJIFANYA MIGINGO UNGANGANIWE NA NANI???'
The problem with winning a rat race is that you are still a rat!
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/20/2007 Posts: 47
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little boys prayer at Sunday school.......
.....and another thing God,please send some clothes to all those naked women in daddy's computer,they must be feeling so cold!!
Don't walk as if you rule the world,walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/17/2008 Posts: 478 Location: Old Trafford
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MR. BEAN: BRAIN TUMOR : Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor. Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy) Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you? Mr. Bean: Yes of course,do you think I'm dumb? Doctor: Then why are you so happy? Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain! 2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL : Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Mr. Bean: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? M r. Bean: Are you trying to fool me,you've just twisted the figure,the answer is 6!! 3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE : Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson. Clerk: Sir,vitamin A,B or C? Mr. Bean: Any will do,my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!! 4) AT AN ATM MACHINE : Friend: What are you looking at? Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no.,hee,hee. Friend: Alright,what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)! 5) Marriage : Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry? Mr. Bean: 16 Friend: Why? Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer,4 poorer,4 better and 4worse. 6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND : Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me,is it Ok? Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok,I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture. Friend: What tape did you take anyway? Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner. 7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER : Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called,Mom's dead. Friend: condolence,my friend. (After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder Friend: what now? Mr. Bean: my sister just called,her mom died too! 8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING : Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure. Mr. Bean: That's alright,me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs. 9) SPELLLING LESSON : Mr. Bean's Son: Dad,what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c? Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/7/2007 Posts: 838
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No matter how hard you try,you can't baptize cats. When your mom is mad at your dad,don't let her brush your hair. If your sister hits you,don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. You can't trust dogs to watch your food. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time. School lunches stick to the wall. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. It's hard to unlearn a bad word. Ask Why until you understand. It's easier to see the mistakes on someone else's paper. A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen. It's only fun to play school when you're the teacher. Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines. Twelve is a lot older than eight. Crawling still gets you there. If you want a kitten,start out by asking for a horse. Your room gets smaller as you get bigger. You can't start over just because you're losing the game. A snow day is more fun than a vacation day. All libraries smell the same. Ask where things come from. Don't nod on the phone. WHO DARES WINS WHO DARES WINS
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/7/2007 Posts: 838
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At an art exhibition,a couple was viewing a painting of three very naked and very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises,but the man in the middle had a very pink penis. While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out,the artist walked by and noticed the couple's confusion. 'Can I help you with this painting?' he asked. 'Well,yes' said the gentleman. We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?' 'Oh' said the artist. 'I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not Africans,they're coal miners,and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch..' WHO DARES WINS WHO DARES WINS
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Rank: Member Joined: 1/7/2007 Posts: 838
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A cop caught a drunk just in front of a house,trying to get in. 'Are you sure this is your house?' the cop asked the thoroughly sozzled man. 'Shertainly,' said the drunk,'an' if you'll jesh open the door f'me,I'll prove it to you.' 'You shee that piano?' the drunk began. 'Thash mine. You shee that TV? Thash mine,too. Follow me,follow me.' The police officer followed as he shakily negotiated the stairs to the second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door they came to. 'Thish ish my bedroom,' he announced. 'Shee that bed? Thash my bed. Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. And shee that guy lying next to her?' 'Yeah,' said the cop suspiciously. 'Thash me!' WHO DARES WINS WHO DARES WINS
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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Bree wrote: MR. BEAN:
BRAIN TUMOR :
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course,do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL :
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
M r. Bean: Are you trying to fool me,you've just twisted the figure,the answer is 6!!
3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE :
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir,vitamin A,B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do,my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
4) AT AN ATM MACHINE :
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no.,hee,hee.
Friend: Alright,what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!
5) Marriage :
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer,4 poorer,4 better and 4worse.
6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND :
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me,is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok,I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER :
Mr. Bean: (crying) the doctor called,Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence,my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called,her mom died too!
8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING :
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright,me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
9) SPELLLING LESSON :
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad,what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!
 The way I am
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2007 Posts: 8,776 Location: Cameroon
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marko wrote:A cop caught a drunk just in front of a house,trying
to get in.
'Are you sure this is your house?' the cop asked the
thoroughly sozzled man.
'Shertainly,' said the drunk,'an' if you'll jesh open
the door f'me,I'll prove it to you.'
'You shee that piano?' the drunk began. 'Thash mine.
You shee that TV?
Thash mine,too. Follow me,follow me.'
The police officer followed as he shakily negotiated
the stairs to the
second floor. The drunk pushed open the first door
they came to.
'Thish ish my bedroom,' he announced. 'Shee that bed?
Thash my bed.
Shee that woman lying in the bed? Thash my wife. And
shee that guy lying next to her?'
'Yeah,' said the cop suspiciously.
'Thash me!'
WHO DARES WINS  TULIA.........UFUNZWE!
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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A bachelor is someone who goes to work from 5 different directions in a week The way I am
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 12/17/2010 Posts: 1,163 Location: Sudan
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marko wrote:At an art exhibition,a couple was viewing a painting of three very naked and very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises,but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out,the artist walked by and noticed the couple's confusion. 'Can I help you with this painting?' he asked.
'Well,yes' said the gentleman. We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?'
'Oh' said the artist. 'I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not Africans,they're coal miners,and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch..'
WHO DARES WINS Looolest. real lunch that was "Peace is our profession, War is our business" ...Unknown
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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There is a difference between NAKURU CATHOLICS and NAKURU CAT HOLICS The way I am
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Rank: User Joined: 8/15/2013 Posts: 13,237 Location: Vacuum
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Um Sayala wrote:marko wrote:At an art exhibition,a couple was viewing a painting of three very naked and very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises,but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out,the artist walked by and noticed the couple's confusion. 'Can I help you with this painting?' he asked.
'Well,yes' said the gentleman. We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?'
'Oh' said the artist. 'I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not Africans,they're coal miners,and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch..'
WHO DARES WINS Looolest. real lunch that was If Obiero did it, Who Am I?
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Somethin to cool dem nerves
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