This is supposed to be the inauguration speech.enjoy!!!!

Niggaz,b****es and all mother (shut-ur-mouth),this is the real s*** right
here! They said no black ass nigga is gonna do this presidential shit. They said
we dont have the juice,or the kind of s*** needed to run this government shit.
They beat our asses down,broke the spirit of true mother(shut-ya-mouth) but
today,I stand here and say,we run this f**king show! This is the s*** we can
believe in!


I know some of u Niggaz think this s*** was easy. Men,I have to tell you it
freaking wasn't. I had to beat Clinton's ass,and beat one silly old bastard
called McCain.

Telling lies on me,spoiling my reputation. That's no way to treat a nigga! But
him. He aint gonna mess with no Niggaz like me no more. We ran his ass down all
over this country!

To the outgoing head nigga,Bush,no love lost bro! You are one dumb-ass mother
(shut-ur-mouth),but you are still cool bro!

To these freaking terrorists ... Osama ... I'm a hunt your ass down,spray it
with ketchup and beat it with a freaking hot rod you son of a gun! You don't
land here and think you can smoke us to death. We gonna smoke yah out! Am
sending the specialized G-Unit to deal with ya crooked ass.

Fifty and ur crew,teach that sucker how to treat a nigga!

To my father,dudes,that nigga was the illest in the land.

At a time when they couldn't serve a nigga coffee in America,this nigga was
busy getting some from a white lady! Guy got game I tell bros. He had her
lickin' and singing to his tune in no time. He did it like a true nigga and thus
America,here I stand. The fruit of a true black ass nigga!

To other Presidents all around the world,if u is corrupt,am gonna smoke ya
ass! If you don't want to end conflict,am gonna smoke your ass! If you steal
from your country,am gonna smoke your ass. If u make fun of me,your ass is
coming down! If you are Robert Mugabe,am gonna smoke your ass nigga! Change
your name so I don't find u. Am gonna give you s*** to believe in,NIGGA!

And I understand the financial s*** the country is in is the size of your
momma's ass! But let me iron it out for you. Am gonna get into that freaking
financial building with an AK-47 until those white ass experts solve the crisis
else am gonna smoke their asses too! What do they mean they can't solve it. They
are white! They be supposed to be all genius and all. They understand this shit
better than a nigga! So they have two options. Solve it or SOLVE IT! Dumb-ass
whites!

To wind up,let's remember those who were part of the struggle. Martin Luther
King,Tupac Shakur,Biggie and Michael Jackson. That last nigga ain't dead but
he truly aint gonna last long! God bless America. He better!

If you have money that you expect to start using in five years,it now belongs in stocks.

Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's s*** on the toilet paper,but no s*** in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick,clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of s*** on the toilet paper,you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This s*** leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of s*** that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty,trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Shit
You s*** so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This s*** is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of s*** usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Shit
This s*** hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.

Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times,but no shit!

Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.

Snake Shit
This s*** is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush,it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This s*** usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.

Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your s*** doesn't smell too bad,but this s*** is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of s*** also usually happens at someone else's house.

The Frightened Turtle
The kind of s*** that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in

The Bungee Shit
The kind of s*** that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of s*** where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler
The kind of s*** where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber
The kind of s*** that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of s*** that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of s*** that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of s*** that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.

The Party Pooper
The giant s*** you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet,you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of s*** that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish,and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of s*** that comes out in a million pieces a second,reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion,and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Shit
When you sit down,and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.

Oh Shit! Shit
You s*** so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!

The Never Ending Shit
It's the s*** that keeps running out of your ass like pea,and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash,more s*** runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of s*** that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours

Be proactive not reactive

@kingfisher
Your Post below about Obama inaugral speech got me breakin down into a laugh..good try bro...really loved your twisted thinkin..and you cooled my nerves men..after my wife observed that FIDA bulls*** btwn the sheets

Its the Economy..Stupid!!!!!

Its Official,SK is a branch of Mathare.Am rolling on the floor with laughter.Where in the world do people get such stuff.Hilarious lol.Na wale wameumizwa na FIDA,ng'oa reli-worked to get peeps to talk on Migingo.

Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others,faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms.
1 Peter 4:9-10

The Gift
A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday,and as they had not been dating very long,after careful consideration,he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note.... Romantic,but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister,he went to Searsand bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping,the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties.
Without checking the contents he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:
My Dearest,
I choose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister,I would have chosen the long ones with buttons,but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.
These are a delicate shade but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time,as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off,remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.
All My Love
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

Wisdom brightens a man's face and changes its hard appearance.Eccle 8:1

A prostitute visited a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.

Concerned about her friend's welfare,the prostitute went up to the surgeon and said,'Doctor,I'm worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?'

The doctor replied,'Well,she's 34 years old and is in extremely good health,apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?'

The patient's friend replied,'She's been working since she was 18 years old,but what's that got to do with anything?'

'Well,' said the doctor,'if she's been working for 16 years and hasn't rejected an organ,I don't think she's about to start now!'

@Chemos,

Mmmm..!!....UNEGERE must have been a typo or Chemos is a quack in this language............The correct word should be UNENGERE..


Guka wa bijuti...

Shubit....

Hata gikuyu watu hung'oa .....

communication is said to be the foundation toa strong marriage.. well when courting i have to make sure we were compatible,i came up with 24 terms that i commonly use and tested if she interprated them the way i do.... she passed with flying peter malangi!!
here hey are..

1. The clitoris is a type of flower.
yes and it looks like the red rose!

2. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.
Yes and it is white,a white hare

3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird.
True that... a cousin of the Dodo

4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack.
Yes! men kill for it

5. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
No it has four nimesahau spare wheel!

6. A G-string is part of a fiddle.
Yes the one that sets the strings!

7. Semen is a term for sailors.
oh yes...ask Pirates

8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly.
rocket science you thought..fundaahhh?

9. Testicles are found on an Octopus.
uwongo...fida women have..na mama wa GIchugu

10. Asphalt describes rectal problems.
True! FIO

11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.
No it is Karatina you moron!

12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish.
The best fishing net in Migingo!

13. Coitus is a musical instrument.
better than the guitar i tell you!

14. Fetus is a character on 24.
Did you see the way he shot the thug?

15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.
The one that holds the upper part!

16. A condom is a large apartment complex.
yes a building with very spacious offices! iko Moi Avenue

17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir.
a.k.a the choir master

18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
yes similar to the protractor

19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.
Very delicious! comes in different sizes and shapes

20. An erection is when Japanese people vote.
Yes! right before the results are read out! SA too

21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
yes and Fatuma is one of them!

22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass.
Nice place

23. Pornography is the business of making records.
yes!

24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.
yes otherwise known as akorinos.


enjoy labour day. and take care.

muthomi mugi aiikagia maitho kabere...

@mtalam...lol,that's a nyce one!!!


Make money.....then you will enjoy all the fine things in life!!!