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House-helps and HIV
Tebes
#21 Posted : Wednesday, April 20, 2011 5:08:30 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/26/2008
Posts: 2,097
@Otienosmall
Perhaps the best you could have done is to talk to her just as you would have done to your own daughter or sister in the same situation. Moreover take her along with you and talk to a trained counsellor so as to have adequate info on dos and donts between your children and the househelp.

What if it was your Boss who is HIV positive, would you leave employment?
"Never regret, if its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."
2012
#22 Posted : Wednesday, April 20, 2011 5:37:00 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 12/9/2009
Posts: 6,592
Location: Nairobi
otienosmall wrote:
as a family having discussed the pro and cons of the situation, we decided to humanely let her go and my conscious tells me that this is in no way discriminative


Did you let her know why you were 'letting her go'?

In conclusion, I know this decision is good for your conscious and is probably the right one for you and your family, I personally honestly still don't know what I'd have done if I were you but it is also good to always remember that the people with HIV need a constant income to survive on ARVs so even if we let them go let's try and get them something else to do

BBI will solve it
:)
Um Sayala
#23 Posted : Wednesday, April 20, 2011 6:10:35 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 12/17/2010
Posts: 1,163
Location: Sudan
@ otienosmall, what you did , to me, is the best, and u should not feel any guilt. Some of the advice here are more theoritical than practical, others argue like they do not have kids.
she cd stay with u while u were not aware of her condition, but trusting her with your KIDS after such discovery could not only be very careless but to me, criminal on your part. The guilt would never leave u if u got ure kid infected (if by her) afterwords.
dont get me wrong, i dont disciminate but i have a responsibilty to protect my kids, at whatever cost.
"Peace is our profession, War is our business" ...Unknown
jguru
#24 Posted : Wednesday, April 20, 2011 8:49:46 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 10/25/2007
Posts: 1,574
@otienosmall

The househelp is not legally obligated to disclose her HIV status to her employer. If she had done so during the recruitment process, you probably would not have given her the job. She has a right to speak out or not speak out about it.

The fact that she is on ARVs means that either her CD4 count is quite low, as low as less than 350, or that she was/is at a WHO HIV stage that necessitated the ARVs. This means her immunity is low and her body may not have the ability to fight illnesses as well as it should.

Considering that the househelp takes care of the children, and children naturally have not developed their immune systems fully, it could predispose the children to illnesses. Think of skin infections such as herpes zoster and candidiasis, diarrhoeal diseases such as Cryptosporidium, and other serious diseases such as Tuberculosis.

Children cannot decide between wrong and right. And adults seemingly judge situations better than they do. We as parents have a role to protect our children from any harm that may befall them.

I have often heard boys and men declare that their first sexual contacts were with househelps. Your 9 year old boy might indulge and get infected. It is likened to having bare electrical wires at a socket outlet in the house, and hoping and hoping, that your small son or daughter does not touch them. Fix it. Now.

I am biased towards children care. I have no objections towards living with a HIV positive person in the house, as long as the interactions are between adults, with mature mindsets and devoid of stigma. But you should strongly consider whether it is wise to have your child care provider being HIV positive.

Else, make sure that she is solidly counselled and understands that she has an illness that portends a health risk to the children. That she comprehends compliance to her medication, adherence to her ARV clinics, prompt treatment for opportunistic infections, hygiene in contact with the children, proper disposal of body and blood products, proper nutrition for herself and open communication and full disclosure to the parents in case any of her health conditions change. Regardless, HIV positive mothers carry their babies to term, deliver safely, and bring up their children to be healthy and HIV negative. The househelp can accomplish this too.
Set out to correct the world's wrongs and you will most certainly wind up adding to them.
sungura2005
#25 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 12:03:00 AM
Rank: Member


Joined: 6/20/2007
Posts: 25
@otienosmall

With your warped argument, we shouldn't date / marry nurses and doctors coz they could get infected by a patient and then infect us. My wife is a nurse.
KenyanLyrics
#26 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 2:16:47 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 4/16/2010
Posts: 906
Location: Nairobi
sungura2005 wrote:
@otienosmall

With your warped argument, we shouldn't date / marry nurses and doctors coz they could get infected by a patient and then infect us. My wife is a nurse.

mazee the stupidity in this thread is amusing! Ha ha ha ha!
famooz
#27 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 9:09:56 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/19/2007
Posts: 2,047
KenyanLyrics wrote:
sungura2005 wrote:
@otienosmall

With your warped argument, we shouldn't date / marry nurses and doctors coz they could get infected by a patient and then infect us. My wife is a nurse.

mazee the stupidity in this thread is amusing! Ha ha ha ha!



@ Kenyalyrics,how about posting something that ain't stupid then?
MaichBlack
#28 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 10:09:40 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/22/2009
Posts: 7,452
@Otienosmall - Don't feel guilty about anything. Your PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITY is to your kids. Anyone with a kid knows what that means. Don't listen to youngsters giving you theoretical solutions and quoting some sections of the law. These are YOUR kids. Do what you believe is right for THEM. No apologies to anyone. Even animals protect their young ones with all they've got. Ni binadamu tu?
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
KenyanLyrics
#29 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 11:35:40 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 4/16/2010
Posts: 906
Location: Nairobi
People, we have to live by facts. The facts on HIV transmission are very clear, but still an educated man allows silly rumours and opinions to cloud judgement. Tell me @otienosmall, how on earth was your househelp going to transmit HIV to your kid? Did they look like they were having unprotected sex? Were they sharing needles? Ama is she the one who bore him?
Since these three are highly unlikely, I can only assume that you were swayed by jinga-type arguments like the ones in this thread e.g transmission via shared toothpicks, shared toothbrushes and fruit salad.
KenyanLyrics
#30 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 11:41:28 AM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 4/16/2010
Posts: 906
Location: Nairobi
PS: I wish there was a way you could also 'accidentally stumble' into your workmates' bags. You will be very shocked how 'at risk' you are at the office. Maybe you need to ask your boss to do some cleansing NKT
bwenyenye
#31 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 11:54:35 AM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 5/24/2007
Posts: 1,805
KenyanLyrics wrote:
People, we have to live by facts. The facts on HIV transmission are very clear, but still an educated man allows silly rumours and opinions to cloud judgement. Tell me @otienosmall, how on earth was your househelp going to transmit HIV to your kid? Did they look like they were having unprotected sex? Were they sharing needles? Ama is she the one who bore him?
Since these three are highly unlikely, I can only assume that you were swayed by jinga-type arguments like the ones in this thread e.g transmission via shared toothpicks, shared toothbrushes and fruit salad.


@Kenyan.., I bet you have no kids. If I told you what these house girls do to win the affection of young children, you would faint. Some actually try and breastfeed your small kids so that the kids like them.( especially if the girls have just given birthe and want to get back to the job market) Believe it or not.

@ Otienosmall, I do not see anything wrong in what you did. You first duty on earth is to provide and protect your family. Hayo mengine ni porojo.. You did the right thing.
I Think Therefore I Am
famooz
#32 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 12:25:14 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/19/2007
Posts: 2,047
@ bwanyenye,most parents on this thread have expressed solidarity with @ Otieno. but does this mean that no kid out there is safe because employers do not take their househelps to be tested?........Kenyalyrics also makes good arguments that the mode of transmission of HIV is very clear....lets remember that we have a responsibility to stop all other misconceptions....so what should be the correct response?

Get househelps tested and for that matter,anybody who is taking care of a young one?
Tebes
#33 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 2:19:27 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/26/2008
Posts: 2,097
famooz wrote:
@ bwanyenye,most parents on this thread have expressed solidarity with @ Otieno. but does this mean that no kid out there is safe because employers do not take their househelps to be tested?........Kenyalyrics also makes good arguments that the mode of transmission of HIV is very clear....lets remember that we have a responsibility to stop all other misconceptions....so what should be the correct response?

Get househelps tested and for that matter,anybody who is taking care of a young one?


Which househelp will agree to be tested prior to employment? (a safety measure for the preying husband?Liar ) Secondly how many househelps know their HIV status?
It is the responsibility of each parent/mother to inculcate discipline, good higene and general rules/guidelines that a househelp should follow during the period of employment. You just dont employ a househelp and off you go aaway leaving your children at her mercy. Shame on you
"Never regret, if its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."
famooz
#34 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 2:33:32 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/19/2007
Posts: 2,047
@ tebes,let the parents answer! :)i think it is a good discussion
MaichBlack
#35 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 2:47:23 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 7/22/2009
Posts: 7,452
@Ugandalyrics and other law quoting theorizing individuals - Maybe you should click on the links below and see what happens in the real world - sometimes.

Dad, will I die of AIDS?

HIV made in Bulgaria

I ain't paying child support!!!

These articles have nothing to do with house girls per se but show you the kind of rotten world we live in and why paranoia is almost natural to any caring parent. You have to protect your kid(s) from anything and everything - real and imagined!!!
Never count on making a good sale. Have the purchase price be so attractive that even a mediocre sale gives good returns.
kingfisher
#36 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 3:04:30 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 4/9/2008
Posts: 2,824
Hapa naona shinda tupu

@otienpapa... what will ever make you not stumble on future house helps' handbags??? You are a finished man I tell you, coz from thence onwards, you will forever live suspecting them of HIV and other imaginary things... wewe kwisha coz at the end of the day your wife may have to leave her job to take care of you kids...

@all... am trying to imagine how many handbags have been "stumbled upon' since this thread was posted... and probably worse things discovered...which will lead to otienopapa's situation as stated above...

Can someone tell me how HIV+ parents bring up their kids?? Do they touch them, or hug them, or serve them food? Or do they leave them to HIV- housegirls??

the point.... lets learn to live with other people positively. The key words here should be taking DUE CARE. I am not sure that dismissing someone because of HIV status without trying anything else is due care. it is very UN-GODLY to say the least!!


And remember DUE DILIGENCE at hiring time too.
When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart.
Tebes
#37 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 3:15:30 PM
Rank: Elder


Joined: 11/26/2008
Posts: 2,097
kingfisher wrote:
Hapa naona shinda tupu

@otienpapa... what will ever make you not stumble on future house helps' handbags??? You are a finished man I tell you, coz from thence onwards, you will forever live suspecting them of HIV and other imaginary things... wewe kwisha coz at the end of the day your wife may have to leave her job to take care of you kids...

@all... am trying to imagine how many handbags have been "stumbled upon' since this thread was posted... and probably worse things discovered...which will lead to otienopapa's situation as stated above...

Can someone tell me how HIV+ parents bring up their kids?? Do they touch them, or hug them, or serve them food? Or do they leave them to HIV- housegirls??

the point.... lets learn to live with other people positively. The key words here should be taking DUE CARE. I am not sure that dismissing someone because of HIV status without trying anything else is due care. it is very UN-GODLY to say the least!!


And remember DUE DILIGENCE at hiring time too.


Cant agree more. Yuo have spoken as an Elder.
"Never regret, if its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."
otienosmall
#38 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 3:18:25 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 10/8/2010
Posts: 281
@ jguru, Um Sayala, bwenyenye, Tebes point on….@2012 I did not let her know…. When it comes to bringing up children, every parent has a moral obligation to do what they feel is best for them. As rightly pointed out, the youngsters here will recognize the intricacy of parenthood when they get there. For now they can quote as many legal rules….cap that and that etc…..HIV is not transmitted by sharing brushes….open wounds…cuts…..and also can ignore all other manner of things experimented on our children by these girls; this is a rotten world as MaichBlack puts it, and its not just house helps, as parent we should always be keen on the people our children spends times with be it a gardener, driver etc……Hope the likes of KenyanLyrics….when they get children, these kind of things will never bother them coz they know the law and are better informed on matters medical unlike many of us. For those who are parents already, they know better. @sungura2005 I never knew pple can be this dense!!!!! yawa!
Spend.thrift
#39 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 3:51:35 PM
Rank: Member


Joined: 8/11/2009
Posts: 302
Tebes wrote:
kingfisher wrote:
Hapa naona shinda tupu

@otienpapa... what will ever make you not stumble on future house helps' handbags??? You are a finished man I tell you, coz from thence onwards, you will forever live suspecting them of HIV and other imaginary things... wewe kwisha coz at the end of the day your wife may have to leave her job to take care of you kids...

@all... am trying to imagine how many handbags have been "stumbled upon' since this thread was posted... and probably worse things discovered...which will lead to otienopapa's situation as stated above...

Can someone tell me how HIV+ parents bring up their kids?? Do they touch them, or hug them, or serve them food? Or do they leave them to HIV- housegirls??

the point.... lets learn to live with other people positively. The key words here should be taking DUE CARE. I am not sure that dismissing someone because of HIV status without trying anything else is due care. it is very UN-GODLY to say the least!!


And remember DUE DILIGENCE at hiring time too.


Cant agree more. Yuo have spoken as an Elder.


Strong and deep as this sounds, matters of welfare of your child are mostly not handled by quoting ideas from the civil society or some laws. It's intuition and instinct that rule the day. If you have reason to believe your child may be at risk of infection, do whatever you can and must do to protect your toddler.

Just think of bleeding gums and toothpicks or toothbrushes and think how many times you have found your 1.5 year old with your toothbrush in her mouth or with the toothpick just after you're done with it. Or the nail cutter......

Granted you should seek to engage with her about safe childcare after finding out but if she has anger episodes or habits of acting maliciously, what makes you think one day your son or daughter won't pay for the misunderstaning btn you and the househelp. I always recall the day a housegirl threw a knife at my 8 year old brother because she had frantically tried to stop him from soiling the clothes she had just washed.
KenyanLyrics
#40 Posted : Thursday, April 21, 2011 3:56:26 PM
Rank: Veteran


Joined: 4/16/2010
Posts: 906
Location: Nairobi
you are hiding behind the argument that none of us are parents, when that is not the primary issue here. Regardless of whether you are a parent or not, the facts about HIV transmission are very clear, and have been drummed away so repetitively in the recent past that all Wazuans can recite the transmission methods by heart. However, despite the clear presence of these facts, you have decided to abandon logic and terminate somebody's employment based on a flimsy 'what if' argument.

One of my guiding principles in life is to do unto others as you would like them to do to you. The best way of analysing this situation is to reverse it. If you were the one who was a houseboy on ARVs, would you deem it fair if your employer were to fire you based on your HIV status?
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