Well...

I'm in my mid twenties, slowly getting to that point where I start to wonder, "When?" Most of my friends are 32 and above, and single. And we're all Christian women, we're beautiful (really, we are, lol), I'm even in ministry and I get a lot of attention... but from the wrong guys (my spirituality defines my life). We're homely, nurturing, simple, hatuna maneno mob. I think we're even fun.

However, I'm starting to hypothesize. Perhaps desperation is one thing that contributes to unhappy marriages. I have many friends who will now just marry anybody. At 19-23 girls want glamour - money, height, fame, education, etc. The men don't come. Or they do and are heartbreakers. In their mid 20s they get serious about life and God and begin to negotiate with Him. In their 30s they begin to go on 40 day dry fasts. And that's the point at which any man goes/will be accepted. And if any man goes, the marriage cannot be happy - they will be resentful, bitter, bored, disillusioned... and that's when the drama begins.

But there are happy marriages.. not easy, not perfect, but happy, where the couples would do it all over again if they were to make the choice at a different time and place.

Just my 2 cents

@waridi,

You've said it like 10 wise women!

Am a Christian dude in the 20s too. I can tell you for a fact that issues facing Christian women are;

a) shortage of serious marriageable Christian men-most men are irreligious.

b)money mindedness of the ladies-most of my pals would never do java with a chic they intend to get serious with on a first date. They start in a lower level joint and progress slowly. If she gets angry and feels her class is being lowered, the guy bolts...

c)desperation-this may get you the shy guy but men hate it when you push too hard. Throw the hints, make them obvious but DO NOT bother a man who doesn't seem interested.

All the best and relax,keep the fire burning while at it.

@User, I disagree. It depends on the girl not how educated/nairobian she is.I know a chick who went to the best schools in Nairobi, private Uni, got a masters, has a corporate job and she married a guy who fikad Form 4 from a needy background. And she treats him like a king! And they are so happily married, I refer to them when I need a role model. Maybe they are special coz they are both thoroughly saved.

You are very right... I think the problem these days is the expectations. We have decided to come up with a list of what we expect our spouses to do or not to do and we hang on it like our lives depend on it. if they fail on our expectations, they are not good enough and it becomes the subject of talk in the office, salons, chamas, in the pubs, wazua and wherever else..... and we are sad, and grumpy, and whiny and everything that goes with it hence a whole lot of "unhappy" marriages. Am not saying you do not have expectations in a marriage, but let such expectations be realistic. Sometimes the expectations are so high it would be difficult for even you, who is setting them, to actually achieve them. couple that with poor communication and you have a one deliciously served disaster!

A marriage is made by two people... if you listen to your spouse, you will realise that it doesn't have to take too much effort. sometimes the misunderstandings we have are just because of pride and wanting to just have your way or nothing else. However, i am not saying that marriages do not have genuine problems that end up not being reconcilable. But only when you have tried all avenues and you are not able to resolve your issues can you decide on the next level. That way, you will be content in your heart that you did everything humanly possible to save the marriage. Before you get there, do the best you can. Marriage is supposed to be beautiful. it is supposed to be fulfilling. if it is not, before yo point fingers at the next person, ask yourself what yo are doing wrong. when you genuinely answer that question and the answer is that you have done your best, then turn to the other person and hope they do their bit.

And what's with married women nowadays? They are hunting with blatant impunity!

I always thought that to have a marriage in the first place, the two just need to know what the creator of 'marriage' wanted it to be.

Know the creator, and follow Him, and all the rest will fall into place. Leave out the creator, well, there is no quantum physics to be grasped in that.

Two or three? They are very many!!! I have a married colleague who calls her boyfriend(s) within the earshot of everyone. She has absolutely no shame! She goes to the extent of telling the fellow on the other side that the hubby wants to meet her for coffee ["today"] and there is no way she can meet him after that coz they'll probably go home together! They have to reschedule the date. What is he doing on... One day she was asked by a colleague why she does that to the hubby and she said and I quote "Don't get me wrong. I love my husband with all my heart and I can't imagine life without him lakini mpango wa kando ni lazima!". wtf????

And that is just one. I know quite a number of ladies playing their husbands. Good thing I don't know the hubby's on personal level coz I'd be tempted to tell them and end up in the middle of a messy domestic fight - and you know what "waswahili" said about wapendanao.

This world - or the part of it that I know - is rotten!!! What do you call it when a married woman blatantly asks you out? A chick asks you to father their kid to your face etc. etc. Siku za mwisho au sio siku za mwisho? As P. P. Mwai wa Githinji would say "Dunia imepasuka katikati!"

Here we go again!

Six months countdown to another "Please Help" thread.



He he he. Just messin with you.

The choice is yours , na usiseme hukuambiwa.
All the best.
I was just expressing the General mood in the Country (City)according to opinion polls from my local pub

@Wendz - The world is coming to an end. As someone said, "Elimu inaondoa ujinga lakini haiondoi upumbavu!". I had a talk with one apparently educated lady - she has papers to prove she is educated - that sent shivers down my spine! She was trying to explain to me why it is absolutely necessary for a lady to have at least one kid out of wedlock. She told me that if there is any hereditary issue or one of those problems that come about by combining harmful but otherwise passive genes in the parents bla bla bla, that one kid will be spared.

Another one - educated but believes that you can be done in through witchcraft - told me that if you have a kid out of wedlock, if the rest are bewitched - especially from the hubby's side - that one kid will survive. What???

Advice to wazua men: One thing I have realized, if you have female friends - no monkey business - just pure friendship - with ladies, then you are going to learn so much stuff, you will not believe it.