Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV.

The Evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their TV set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV and placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his private parts. Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it, do you??!! The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, NOT to raise the DEAD!!!

Baks has approached RAO to sell him a plot within Bondo as part of retirement programme.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil.

@Gohill

Nice one! who is smarter now?

....lom, insult kwa phombe hiyo!!!

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?"

"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees.

The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees.

The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet."

The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly.

"As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None."

The man is appalled. "Doc...Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?"

"I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you it is going to seem like an eternity!"

an actual examination in University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

Kazungu dies and being who he was is sent straight to Hell. Satan meets him.He tells Hell is very democratic and shows him doors to three rooms, He says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. Kazungu says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Kazungu says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating pancakes.Kazungu says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and Kazungu guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee straight away. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"

A florist had a haircut then asked how much? “I cannot accept money from you,” said the barber, “I’m doing community service
this week.” Next day the barber found a dozen roses and a ‘‘thank you’’ card on his doorstep.
A baker dropped by and he got the same treatment: “No charge, this is my community service.” From the grateful baker, the
barber received a dozen doughnuts.
Then a Member of Parliament showed up. He, too, got his free haircut. Next morning when the barber went to open up, there were
a dozen more MPs lined up outside his shop.
Courtesy Gerry Loughran-sunday nation

Everything on a woman's upper body starts with a "B" .... Blouse, Bra, Bikini , B**bs....
& the lower body with a "P" .... Petticoat, Pants, Panties, Pussy.

No wonder men suffer from high BP.