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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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Intelligentsia wrote:Somewhere in Keroche wine factory the regular taster died and one of the bosses started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The boss wondered how to send him away.
They tested him.
They gave him a glass of wine. He tried it and said,
"It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That’s correct", said the boss.
Another glass.
"It’s red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels."
"Correct." The boss was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It’s for a yellow yellow mamacita, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll also name the father"
 The way I am
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/28/2010 Posts: 293 Location: Gigiri
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Boy (to girl): What's there in between your legs? Girl: Hell ! And what's there in between your legs? Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell. Sina Signature. NKT
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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A driver is stuck in a traffic jam along Mombasa road near Nyayo Satdium. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?" "Thugs have kidnapped Mohammed Hatimy and the entire FKL board.They're asking for a sh 10 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, taking up a collection." The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?" the man answers, About a litre of petrol." http://headoncorrishon.b...ates-mohamed-hatimy.htmlThe way I am
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Rank: Member Joined: 11/14/2009 Posts: 46
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After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000
years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors
already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and headlines in the US papers read:
" US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."
One week later, the Kenyan newspapers proudly reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 500 meters, Kenyan scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 6/29/2010 Posts: 50 Location: Buruburu
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A married couple is driving (55 mph) down the interstate. The wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce." The husband says nothing but slowly increases to 60 mph. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up to 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids ...too." The husband just keeps driving faster and faster, speeding to 80
mph. She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too."
The husband slowly starts to veer towards a bridge, as she says, "Is there anything you want?" The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need." She asks, "Really? What's that?" The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph,
"I've got the airbag!"
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 6/29/2010 Posts: 50 Location: Buruburu
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Birthday Present
Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Smith! He's hiding cocaine inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open e...very piece of wood, but find no cocaine. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep."
"Happy Birthday Buddy"
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/2/2010 Posts: 480 Location: chokoo
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C&P
Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio ;)
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Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/12/2009 Posts: 925
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a psychiatrist once went to a market called wazua.
...he then gathered all the people in one room to examine if it is indeed true they are all insane.
.......he then proceeded to paint a picture of a door on the wall complete with a small mark indicating where the key hole should be.
.....then came the test,he asked all the wazuans to get out of the room.
......alas,they all ran towards the imaginary door and couldnt get out since there was ofcourse none.
........but there was one who didnt run and sat quietly at the corner shaking his head in disbelief.
......the psychiatrist walked to him and asked,"why didnt you run to the door like your fellow wazuans?"
......the guy looked at the Mental doctor and told him"because i have the key"
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Rank: Member Joined: 12/18/2009 Posts: 316 Location: nairobi
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ValerieLemaiyan wrote:After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian
scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000
years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors
already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and headlines in the US papers read:
" US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."
One week later, the Kenyan newspapers proudly reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 500 meters, Kenyan scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology  God loves a Trier!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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callaspade wrote:a psychiatrist once went to a market called wazua.
...he then gathered all the people in one room to examine if it is indeed true they are all insane.
.......he then proceeded to paint a picture of a door on the wall complete with a small mark indicating where the key hole should be.
.....then came the test,he asked all the wazuans to get out of the room.
......alas,they all ran towards the imaginary door and couldnt get out since there was ofcourse none.
........but there was one who didnt run and sat quietly at the corner shaking his head in disbelief.
......the psychiatrist walked to him and asked,"why didnt you run to the door like your fellow wazuans?"
......the guy looked at the Mental doctor and told him"because i have the key"
Sounds like the "USER" pulled this one on Wazuans..... hehehehee
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. He walks over to her and she greets him warmly. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t figure out where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.” His mind races back... to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I had sex with on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery?” She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.” The way I am
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/6/2010 Posts: 170 Location: Kenya Tukufu
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marex wrote: A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. He walks over to her and she greets him warmly. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t figure out where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.” His mind races back... to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I had sex with on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery?” She looks into his eyes and says calmly, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.” Good one... Hardwork, Smartness & Humility = Successful and Happy life...Jipange sasa hivi
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436
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“...In a bus going 2 Thika a beautiful young lady with her son sits next 2 a young man.
She starts 2 breastfeed the kid but he refuses so she tells him " Wewe ! Ebu nyonya or I’ll give it 2 this young man here ".
After some time still the kid refuses 2 suckle n she tells him again suckle or I'll give the young man .
This happens about 4times n the young man gets frustrated n tells the lady "Will u please make up your mind soon coz I was supposed 2 alight 30mins ago!”
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Rank: Elder Joined: 2/11/2007 Posts: 1,680 Location: nairobi
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Quote:Will u please make up your mind soon coz I was supposed 2 alight 30mins ago!” ...i want to move to thika.
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Rank: Member Joined: 7/17/2008 Posts: 478 Location: Old Trafford
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Intelligentsia wrote:
“...In a bus going 2 Thika a beautiful young lady with her son sits next 2 a young man.
She starts 2 breastfeed the kid but he refuses so she tells him " Wewe ! Ebu nyonya or I’ll give it 2 this young man here ".
After some time still the kid refuses 2 suckle n she tells him again suckle or I'll give the young man .
This happens about 4times n the young man gets frustrated n tells the lady "Will u please make up your mind soon coz I was supposed 2 alight 30mins ago!”
Hahaaaaaa ata mambatha utafika waiting for nyonyoz
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/7/2007 Posts: 2,182
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kelele.com wrote:Boy (to girl): What's there in between your legs?
Girl: Hell ! And what's there in between your legs?
Boy: A sinner, who wants to go to hell. HA LOVE WHAT YOU DO, DO WHAT YOU LOVE.
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/23/2010 Posts: 182 Location: Kenya
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Sticker on a matatu to Ndundori:Njakira kanyumba mwathani,kioro ningwiyejera!!!!
Translation:
Build for me a house Lord i will dig the latrine!.
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Rank: Member Joined: 8/3/2009 Posts: 249
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 2/16/2010 Posts: 92 Location: Nairobi
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Due to the recent events in kenyan politics... there has been an upgrade in kenyan terminlogy aka kenyan slang!! lesson#1 Slang Ugrade! Ututho: is the act of refusing to buy someone alcohol Mututho:is somebody who is mean with alcohol Nktutho: is expression of being annoyed with such people Gututha: is to break mututho laws Gututhuo: The effect of disobeying Mututho's law and ending up with a hangover Entrepreneurship is a cognitive bias. They can’t teach it to you.
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Rank: Elder Joined: 3/2/2009 Posts: 26,325 Location: Masada
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Intelligentsia wrote:
“...In a bus going 2 Thika a beautiful young lady with her son sits next 2 a young man.
She starts 2 breastfeed the kid but he refuses so she tells him " Wewe ! Ebu nyonya or I’ll give it 2 this young man here ".
After some time still the kid refuses 2 suckle n she tells him again suckle or I'll give the young man .
This happens about 4times n the young man gets frustrated n tells the lady "Will u please make up your mind soon coz I was supposed 2 alight 30mins ago!”
I'm relocating to Thika Makongeni end of this month! Portfolio: Sold
You know you've made it when you get a parking space for your yatcht.
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