Wazua
»
Club SK
»
Culture
»
Just for laughs...corner
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
|
Wife read a book & told her husband:“a Bull f***s 300 times a year, u dont do quarter of that. Husband: “Where is it written that he f***s the same cow The way I am
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 8/8/2009 Posts: 171
|
Re-posting; to include the photo shot. Outvestor wrote: The Football Association today proudly unveiled Total, f*** and UPS as the
new sponsors of the England football team. 'The combination of these three
corporate giants perfectly captures the ethos of the England side,' said an
FA spokesman. 'After all, they had nothing in the tank when it counted, and
they've proved themselves to be a bunch of expensive posers who always fail
to deliver.'
The new shirts come in a range of bright 'easy to spot' colours after claims
from England players that the old kit was painted in 'magic invisible ink'
which made it impossible to pick out an easy and obvious pass to a team
mate. The new shirts are also made of a super lightweight material, unlike
the old tops which were apparently made of extra-heavy chain mail which left
the Premiership stars lumbering around looking exhausted and unfit.
However, one criticism has been made of the design of the new England kit
with claims that the neck hole was inexplicably too small for the heads of
the Premiership stars. Players say this will make it very hard to pull the
shirt off during an over-exuberant goal celebration, but a spokesman for the
manufacturers said 'we don't envisage this being a problem.'
 ¡ʇɹoɟɟǝ ƃuıɟɟǝ ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ ɥɔnɯ os ؛uıɐʌ uı ɔıqɐɹɐ ƃuıuɹɐǝן pǝıɹʇ ı
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
|
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED....But there is. When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE..... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are...COMPLETELY FINISHED!!! The way I am
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 4/9/2008 Posts: 2,824
|
|
|
|
Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
|
DON'T TALK TOO MUCH:
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he asks, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God!! Are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.
|
|
|
Rank: User Joined: 6/27/2008 Posts: 709 Location: Velayat-e Faryab
|
If you can read this job application letter without laughing, post your E-mail here and I will invite you for A 10,000 competition on WHO CANT LAUGH OUT LOUD. Dear Sir I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and wish to apply for the replacement of the manager. Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this one, I have caught you red handed coz I even attended the funeral and all burial proceedings and made sure that he was truly passed on before applying. I can remember you saying on the funeral that he will be very difficult to replace, meaning there is no one at the moment. Well it's your lucky day sir; you already have found the best man for the job so look no more. It is sad but strategic though, that he has left us, at least now I stand to benefit as he has left a vacancy for me. For that I shall forever be grateful for his timely death. He too always spoke of early retirement and I guess this serves him well too. A deal that benefits all should be the substance of a fine businessman. Ironsome, yes but death is truly very fair. Just imagine, the company no longer has to pay his retirement benefits. The company will not have to worry about paying me a relocation allowance because he was my neighbour and it will be easy for me to simply jump over the fence into that beautiful big company house. I also took it into my hands to quickly get a drivers' licence as I am sure the Prado will also be pushed over to me. And sir, don't even try to cheat me on this one because I even know the mileage reading on that beautiful machine. This just goes on to prove that I am a determined self starter who is attentive to detail. Amiable qualities that shout for themselves. I am sure that after reading this, there won't be any need for a Seevee, just verification if I can stand up with the challenge. For that sir, I will be sending my pictures taken in the meantime of attending the funeral and burial so that you can see how tough I was and can be when employed. As for my referee, well the same dead culprit was my referee so we can safely skip that part. I only hope there will be no corruption as we are all still mourning. Thanks for advertising at the funeral because I could not have known Yours ever smiling even in tough times. Philip Sitienei. Go overdrive in purchasing the goods when there's blood on the streets, expecially if the blood is your own
|
|
|
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/9/2009 Posts: 2,003
|
Kibaki, in state house, was heard singing "tiga ni Ngai ningepatwa na muhadhara... "
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 3/31/2008 Posts: 7,081 Location: Kenya
|
In a meeting called by a County veterenary Officer to discuss animal issues, the Vet Officer told the farmers that he had heard complaints that there are some farmers whai are sleeping with cows, sheep, goats, pigs and snakes.
...after a short silence one farmer shot up and asked, '...and SNAKES!'
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 6/17/2008 Posts: 23,365 Location: Nairobi
|
RELAXING Kalembe was enjoying the sun at the beach in Mtwapa. A lady came and asked him, 'Are you relaxing?' Kalembe answered, 'No, I am Kalembe' Another guy came and asked him the same question. Kalembe answered, 'No! No! Me Kalembe!' A third one came and asked him the same question again. Kalembe was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another person soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, 'Are you Relaxing?' The other man was a lot more educated and answered, 'Yes, I am relaxing.' Kalembe slapped him on his face and said, 'Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!' ..."Wewe ni mtu mdogo sana....na mwenye amekuandika pia ni mtu mdogo sana!".
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
|
This 1000sh note actually paid 5 bills but wasn't spent!! Jeff pays 1000 sh, n starts lukin 4 a gud rum at de county lodge. The Lodge attendant had a sh 1000 debt at de butchery so he settles the bill. The butcher owed a cattle dealer sh 1000;he goes to pay the deal. The cattle dealer owed a whore sh 1000,he then settles the bill. The whore had taken a room on credit at the county lodge and goes to settle the bill Meanwhile,Jeff does not find a gud rum..so he immediately demands a 1000sh refund!!! The way I am
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
|
James: what would u think if u found ya wife in the bathtub with a security guard Alex: I would think he is afraid of water The way I am
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 1,491 Location: Nairobi
|
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
|
Bill gates calls President kibaki and their conversation goes this way: Bill Gates : Jambo! you must have heard of Windows. kibaki : Oh yes! I have even heard of curtains!. ... Gates : Have you installed Windows at home? kibaki : Yes, in fact in my Othaya house I installed burglar proof windows. Gates(Confused): Hope the internet is being used a lot in Kenya. Kibaki: Due to the prevaalence of mosquitoes, Kenyans are preferring to use supernet instead of internet..internet cannot kill mosquitoes Gates: By the year 2012, all kenyans s...hould be using computer chips. kibaki: No, Kenyans prefer Chips Funga (Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops? kibaki: Yes, in the evening,My grandson sleeps on the top of my lap. Gates(Sweating Heavily): Do u know about RAM? kibaki : I know about RUM and even changaa, though mututho analeta kiherehere The way I am
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
|
Boy enters classroom late... Teacher: Why are you late? Boy: I was on top of blueberry hill Another boy comes late.. Teacher: Why are you late? ......Boy: I was also on top of Blueberry hill A new girl comes to the classroom... Teacher: Are you new? Girl: Yes Teacher: Whats your name Girl: Blueberry hill... The way I am
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
|
radio wrote:Kibaki, in state house, was heard singing "tiga ni Ngai ningepatwa na muhadhara... " Tiga ni Raila nimepatwa na muthaura The way I am
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
|
Men are from Mars, Women from Venus and gays from urANUS!! The way I am
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436
|
Curiousity (pre-Mututho)
A priest, in urgent need to use the bathroom, walks into a local bar.
The bar is jumping with loud music and lively conversation, but every few minutes the lights abruptly go off. Every time the lights go off,the bar crowd bursts into loud whoops and applause, but when they see the priest enter the bar, the place becomes absolutely quiet.
The priest walks over to the bartender and asks, "Can you please tell me where your bathroom is?"
"Sure, but I have to tell you, father, there's a statue of a naked
woman in it and she’s wearing only a fig leaf."
"No problem, I'll just avert my eyes, then," Said the priest.
The bartender then shows the priest to the far side of the bar where
the bathroom is located. After a short while, the priest comes out of the bathroom and the bar crowd pauses only long enough to give him a rousing cheer. Perplexed he goes over to the bartender and asks, I'm puzzled. Why did they cheer for me as I came out of the bathroom just now?"
"Well, father, it's because your curiosity has made you human and
likeable, just like us," said the bartender. "May I pour you a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I'm still puzzled," said the priest.
"You see, father," chuckles the bartender, "every time somebody moves the fig leaf on the naked woman statue, the bar lights go off. Now,what do you say to that drink?"
|
|
|
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436
|
Somewhere in Keroche wine factory the regular taster died and one of the bosses started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The boss wondered how to send him away.
They tested him.
They gave him a glass of wine. He tried it and said,
"It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That’s correct", said the boss.
Another glass.
"It’s red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels."
"Correct." The boss was astonished.
He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
"It’s for a yellow yellow mamacita, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll also name the father"
|
|
|
Rank: Member Joined: 8/5/2009 Posts: 597
|
It's 8.30 am two new recruits get to their respective desk to start working. one: yawns, second: asks whats up dud? one: am tired en feeling sick second: why? try sexercise one: what a remedy! second: yap! coz i cant stand the handbreak The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence
|
|
|
Rank: Veteran Joined: 11/12/2009 Posts: 925
|
|
|
|
Wazua
»
Club SK
»
Culture
»
Just for laughs...corner
Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.
|