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Just for laughs...corner
Rank: Chief Joined: 8/24/2009 Posts: 5,909 Location: Nairobi
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Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick packs the picnic basket with drinks and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away so; it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and drinks. "Ok Roy give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it" Mick gets worried, He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts: "I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING! 
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Rank: Elder Joined: 11/26/2008 Posts: 2,097
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selah wrote:A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find that it is overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!"
The blind man replies, "If you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!" "Never regret, if its good, its wonderful. If its bad, its experience."
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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Nakwambiaya kila mara usi cheze na Wakikuyu!!!!!
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate was Bernard Waiyaki a Kenyan living in USA .
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA programming to leave.. 2000 people left the room. Waiyaki said to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try.
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people left the room.. Waiyaki said to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.
Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people left the room. Waiyaki says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people left the room. Waiyaki says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who have all the required qualifications & experience I am looking for and speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
and....... Calmly, Waiyaki turns to the other candidate and says ‘uri mwega!’
The other candidate answers ' Ngai fafa!! Onawe wi mugikuyu?????
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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C&P
Do not Laugh
In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves;
They took it out to different countries for a test.
In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;
UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves;
Spain, in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves;
Ghana, in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves;
Uganda, in 7mins it caught 20,000 thieves,
Kenya, in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.
I thought I told you not to laugh????????
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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C&P Kiswahili translations:Private parts = sehemu nyeti Thus, private schools = ?
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Elder Joined: 6/19/2008 Posts: 4,268
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2012 wrote:C&P
Kiswahili translations:
Private parts = sehemu nyeti
Thus, private schools = ? Shule Nyeti????
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/13/2009 Posts: 1,950 Location: in kenya
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A man dials his home and a strange woman answers. The man says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answers the woman. "We don't have a maid," says the man. The woman says, "I was hired this morning by the lady of the house." The man says, "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" The woman replies, "She is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband." The man is fuming and says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The man tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the bitch and the jerk she's with." The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone "What do I do with the bodies?" The man says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But you don't have a pool." A long pause and the man says, "Is this 567-5309?" '......to the acknowledgment of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ; 3 In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.' Colossians 2:2-3
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/14/2010 Posts: 806 Location: Nairobi
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Copy & paste
An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and
they are very
much in love. However, no matter what the husband
does sexually, the woman
never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is
entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the
rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard,
and makes the
following suggestion.; "Hire a strapping young man.
While the two of you
are making love, have the young man wave a towel
over you. That will help
the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm"
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire
a handsome young
man and he waves a towel over them as they make
love. But it doesn't help
and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go
back to the rabbi.
"Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed.;
Perhaps this young
man doesn't know how to wave a towel. Have the young
man make love to your
wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice.; The young
mangets into
bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel
The young man gets to work
with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an
enormous, room-shaking
screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, fully pleased with himself, looks
at the young man
and says to him triumphantly..
"You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/14/2010 Posts: 806 Location: Nairobi
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Copy & paste
An Engineer working in the UK recently received a letter from his girlfriend
back home in Tanzania. It read as follows:
Dear Michael,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between
us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you
twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us.
I'm sorry. Please return the pictures of me that I sent to you.
Love, Elizabeth
- - - - -
The Engineer, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Tanzanians based in the UK for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters,
ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the pictures of Elizabeth, Michael included all the other pictures of the pretty girls he had collected
from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:
- - - - -
Dear Elizabeth,
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take
your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care, Michael
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Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 6,592 Location: Nairobi
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winston wrote:Copy & paste
An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and
they are very
much in love. However, no matter what the husband
does sexually, the woman
never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is
entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the
rabbi.
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard,
and makes the
following suggestion.; "Hire a strapping young man.
While the two of you
are making love, have the young man wave a towel
over you. That will help
the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm"
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire
a handsome young
man and he waves a towel over them as they make
love. But it doesn't help
and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go
back to the rabbi.
"Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed.;
Perhaps this young
man doesn't know how to wave a towel. Have the young
man make love to your
wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice.; The young
mangets into
bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel
The young man gets to work
with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an
enormous, room-shaking
screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, fully pleased with himself, looks
at the young man
and says to him triumphantly..
"You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"
BBI will solve it :)
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Rank: Member Joined: 5/11/2009 Posts: 35
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Abortion is murder masturbation is genocide.
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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Finally Osama makes it to the bench Jeff:wow,what a man,what a beard, what a terrorist, so Osama,what are u upto? Osama:Allah Akubar,<anatema mate>will bomb Israel,America and Kill Jack Bauer..... Jeff:HAHAHAHA u have heard him, dont go away the bomb<bench> is just warming,this K24 where we are all Kenyan.....Osama:all Al...l shabab. The way I am
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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those think that everything is possible havent tried putting on a condom immediately after ejaculation The way I am
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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Manzi yako ameBEAT mpaka anaitwa BEATrice  The way I am
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Rank: Member Joined: 6/28/2010 Posts: 293 Location: Gigiri
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Rank: Member Joined: 4/30/2010 Posts: 241
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When the body was first made, all parts wanted to be the boss. The brain said "Since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss" The hand said, "Since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be boss" The eyes said "Since I must look out for you all and tell you where the danger lurks, I should be the boss." And so it went with the Heart, the ears, the feet, the lungs, etc. Finally the Asshole spoke up and demanded to be the Boss. All other parts laughed at the idea of the Asshole being Boss. The Asshole was so enraged that he blocked himself off and refused to function. Soon the brain was feverish, the eyes crossed and ached, the feet were too weak, the hands hung limply at the side, the Heart and lungs struggled to keep going. All pleaded with the Brain to let the Asshole be the boss. And so it happened. All the other parts did all the work and the Asshole just bossed around and passed out a lot of shit. The Moral of the story: You don't have to be a brain to be the boss, You just have to be an Asshole. ukiona choo kwa ndoto usiingie, ni mtego!
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2009 Posts: 2,375
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http://www.guardian.co.u...odile-congo-plane-crash
sad. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt...
-Mark Twain
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Rank: New-farer Joined: 3/5/2010 Posts: 12
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A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend
the afternoon with
her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he
left, he told her that he
did not have any cash with him, but would have his
secretary write a check
and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR
APARTMENT." However, on
the way to the office, he regretted what he had done,
realizing that the
whole event had not been worth the price. So, he had
his secretary send a
check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:
Dear Madam: Enclosed please find a check for $250 for
rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon,
because when I rented
the place, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied.
2. There was plenty of heat, and
3. It was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously
occupied, that there
wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned
the check for $250
with the following note:
Dear Sir: First, I cannot understand how you would
expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied
indefinitely. As for the
heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it
on. Regarding the
space, the apartment is indeed of regular size. But if
you don't have enough
furniture to fill it, please do not blame the
management.
Please send the rent in full, or we will be forced to
contact your present landlady.
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Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656
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Teacher:" I want you to write an essay with the following elements 1.religion 2.royalty 3.sex and4.mystery"...after 2 minutes, Jeff shouts..."am through madam"!Teacher yells......"impossible! Let me see".Jeff had written....."oh My GOD,says the QUEEN,I am PREGNANT yet... I DON"T KNOW who did it"!! The way I am
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Rank: Elder Joined: 10/23/2009 Posts: 2,375
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A woman to her husband, "honey, why don't you surprise me one of these fine days?". After one month, the husband comes home with a lady one evening and tells his wife, "darling, surprise, surprise, surprise! This lady here is your co-wife" It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt...
-Mark Twain
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