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blackcobra		#431 Posted : Friday, October 01, 2010 10:06:45 AM
Rank: New-farer Joined: 1/7/2010 Posts: 68 Location: kenya		Wapishi wengi, chakula hupikwa haraka. · Mtegemea Noodles 4 supper, haachi kulala njaa · Utamu wa manzi aujuae ni chali · Mtoto akililia wembe anataka kukata sehemu nyeti auze · Uzuri wa mke si sura ni kujua fulu fulu condition · Mbio ya 800 huishia kwa Rudisha . · Mwenda pole ni bi arusi. · Aliye juu bila shaka anatengeza roof · Ukistaajabu ya Musa haujasikia ya Onyancha · Kidole kimoja ni jina ya kanisa ya Runda · Fahari wawili wakipigana, call rates zinashuka · Aliyembali haonekani · Mgema akisifiwa,chang'aa inakuwa legalized. · Ahsante ya punda usiifananishe na ya ng'ombe · Ajali haina fulifuli fulifuli conditioooon · Asiye funzwa na mamaye, mwalimu king'ang'i yupo · Ukiistajabu ya m-kifo hujayaona ya m-nyeti pap · Asiyekubali kushidwa anakuwa prime minister · Mbio za sakafuni humalizwa na rudisha · Asiyekubali kushindwa ni Rudisha! · Aliye na macho hanywi changaa · Mwenda tezi na omo hajajua kuna aerial · umoja ni estate utengano ni setbook · akukumlikaye mchana anahitaji stima loan · Aliye kando, haangukiwi na katiba · Asiyefunzwa na mamaye hufunzwa na MAMAWE · Usimwone paka amenyeshewa ukafikiri hawezi kumla mtoto. · Asiye na bwana aelekee kicc · Mjinga akierevuka,walimu waende nyumbani · Kikulacho kina appetite · Hasira ya mjaluo,furaha ya museveni · Ukitaka kula kuku,chagua aliye mtesa churchil · Kung'oa reli kwa mjaluo ni furaha ya mkikuyu= atauza chuma · Akili nyingi ilimfanya ruto ashindwe · Dalili ya the hague ni ocampo · Dawa ya kuku ni churchill. · Haba na haba weka kwa M KESHO · Mwenda tagged na twitter marejeo ni Facebook. · Ajuaye kuna watermelon, huenda akatolewa pressure Nairobi hospitali
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dossy7		#432 Posted : Friday, October 01, 2010 10:08:54 AM
Rank: Elder Joined: 12/9/2009 Posts: 1,493 Location: Nairobi		The following is an actual question given on a University of Liverpool chemistry final exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being – which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting "Oh my God."" THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A". Kenya ni yetu sisi sote
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misdemeanour		#433 Posted : Friday, October 01, 2010 10:13:08 AM
Rank: Member Joined: 7/1/2010 Posts: 148 Location: nairobi		DJ: HEY! This is Phil Matthew's on Capital FM. Do you know "Mate Match"? Contestant: (laughing) Yes I do. DJ: What is your name? First only please. Contestant: Brian DJ: Are you married or what Brian? Brian: Yes. DJ: "Yes"? Does this mean you are married? or what Brian? Brian: (laughing nervously) Yes I am married. DJ: Thank you Brian. OK, now, what is your wife's name? First only please Brian. Brian: Sara. DJ: Is Sara at work Brian? Brian: She is gonna kill me. DJ: Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work? Brian: (laughing) Yes she is. DJ: All right then, first question: When was the last time you had sex? Brian: She is gonna kill me. DJ: BRIAN! Stay with me here man. Brian: About 8 O'clock this morning. DJ: Atta boy. Brian: (laughing sheepishly) Well. DJ: Number 2: How long did it last? Brian: About 10 minutes. DJ: Wow! You really want that trip huh? No one would ever have said that if it there weren't a trip at stake. Brian: Yeah, it would be really nice. DJ: OK. Final question: Where was it that you had sex at 8 this morning? Brian: (laughing hard) I, ummmmm. DJ: This sounds good Brian where was it? Brian: Not that it was all that great just that her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks and she was taking a shower at the time. DJ: Ooooooh, sneaky boy! Where did you guys do it? Brian: On the kitchen table. DJ: "Not that great"? That is more adventurous than the last hundred times I have done it. Anyway, to audience) I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. DJ: (to audience) Let's call Sara shall we? (touch tones ringing) Clerk: Posta DJ: Hey, is Sara around there somewhere? Clerk: This is she. DJ: Sara, this is Phil Mathews with Capital FM 98.4. I have been speaking with Brian for a couple of hours now... Sara: (laughing) A couple of hours? DJ: Well, a while anyway. He is also on the line with us. Brian knows not to give away any answers or you lose soooooooo, do you know the rules of "Mate Match"? Sara: No DJ: Good. Brian: (laughing) Sara: (laughing) Brian, what the hell are you up to? Brian: (laughing) Just answer his question honestly Sara: Oh, Brian DJ: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sara, I will now ask you 3 questions and if you answer exactly what Brian has said then the 2 of you are off to Nyali Beach at our expense. This does include Ksh.20,000 spending money Sara. Sara: (laughing hard) YES, yes. Brian: (laughing) DJ: All right, when did you have sex last Sara? Sara: Oh God, Brian. this morning before Brian went to work. DJ: What time? Sara: About 8 I think. sound effect) DING DING DING DJ: Very good. Next question: How long did it last? Sara: 12-15 minutes maybe. DJ: hhmmmm Background voice in studio: That's close enough. I am sure she is trying not to harm his manhood. DJ: Well, we will give you that one. Last question: Where did you do it? Sara: OH MY GOD, BRIAN! You did not tell them did you?!?! Brian: Just tell him honey. If you tell the truth, we win the trip! DJ: What is bothering you so much Sara? Sara: Well it's just that my mom is vacationing with us and...... DJ: SHE SAW?!?! Sara: BRIAN?!?! Brian: NO, no I didn't. DJ: Ease up there sister. We're just messin' with your head. Your answer? Sara: Dear Lord. I cannot believe you told them this. Brian: Come on honey it's for a trip to Coast. DJ: Let's go Sara we ain't got all day. Where did you do it? Sara: In the ass. (long pause) DJ: We will be right back. ((advertisements) DJ: I am sorry for that ladies and gentlemen. This is live radio and these things do happen. Anyway, Brian and Sara are off to lovely Nyali Beach _________________ Am paid in Kshs.
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Intelligentsia		#434 Posted : Friday, October 01, 2010 3:35:15 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/1/2009 Posts: 2,436		C&P A young girl went to get mangoes from a mango tree near a church. She climbed up the tree and in the process she attracted the attention of the Pastor who came out and looked up the tree to find out what was going on. The pastor discovered that the girl up the tree did not have her pants on; he looked away in pity and called her to climb down. He gave her 2,000/- and told her "Tell your mum to buy you underpants". At home the little girl gave the money to her mum and told her the whole story; The mum was impressed at the kindness of the pastor but then she thought "If my little girl can be given 2000/- to buy underpants, what about a big woman like me?' The next morning this woman decided to climb the mango tree without underpants. When the pastor shouted at her to climb down she made sure that he saw she did not have underpants and so she descended expectantly hoping to be given a lot of money since she was bigger than her daughter. On the ground, to her astonishment the pastor gave her5/- and told her "GO BUY YOURSELF A RAZOR!".
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marex		#435 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 1:19:51 PM
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656		An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes. The way I am
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marex		#436 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 1:21:45 PM
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656		A Blonde Job Interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. ..."So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22." The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics, something that she won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Cindy!" The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?" "Oh, that!" replies the blonde," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...' The way I am
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marex		#437 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 1:31:21 PM
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656		A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable woul...d have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty.One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?" ."My darling," he replied, "I get all the th...anks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." The way I am
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kyukkamba		#438 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 1:48:30 PM
Rank: Member Joined: 5/28/2010 Posts: 151		Refrazing marex joke.... A Blonde Job Interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. ..."What kind of Job r u looking 4?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. "Secretary Sir" The interviewer .."And how much are u expecting as salary" The Blond..smiling and licking her lips.."at least the whole package should not be less than Ksh.300,000 a month" The interviewer "Do you know how to type and how fast can you do that?" The blonde produces a lipstick from her handbag.."I dont know how to type and have never typed before". This isn't looking good so the surprised interviewer goes for another question....."Do u know how to do filing of documents?". The blonde peeps on her boobs, adjust her bra, turns her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "I've never done no filing in my life, my fingures are delicate!" The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What about writting notes, attending executive meetings, booking for air tickets..have you ever done this before?" The blonde looking at the seiling while adjustinmg her mini skirt ..."peeps on her boobs, adjust her bra,..."Never done those things" The astonished Interviewer.."How the hell do u epect a salary of that magnitude when u know nothing...Mr.Kumar is doing filing, typing letters,booking tickets, preparing tea, cleaning the office and we are only paying him 10,000" The Blond..standing up and turning her "Bubudium" to the interviewer.."ok ... then then go screw Kumar"...She left.. Ni Uhuru wa Mbesha...Niguo kana tiguo?
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marex		#439 Posted : Monday, October 04, 2010 1:59:31 PM
Rank: Member Joined: 10/4/2007 Posts: 656		marex wrote: A Blonde Job Interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. ..."So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. "Um ... 22." The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot two!" This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics, something that she won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about fifteen seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Cindy!" The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "What were you doing when I asked you your name?" "Oh, that!" replies the blonde," I was just running through that song, 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear...' The way I am
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selah		#440 Posted : Wednesday, October 06, 2010 4:43:04 PM
Rank: Elder Joined: 10/13/2009 Posts: 1,950 Location: in kenya		A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find that it is overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!" The blind man replies, "If you would've put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!" '......to the acknowledgment of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ; 3 In whom are hid all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.' Colossians 2:2-3
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