Press releaseMy Dear Kenyans,
The government has been watching with great concern at the recent mobile price wars, and we have decided to step in and bring order to the sector. Henceforth, all Kenyans will start paying 25/= on-net and 52/= off-net for their calls. This is good for Kenya and for Kenyans as it will:
- assist Orange/Telkom survive and keep providing us with landlines that dont work, have 120 faults per every 100 lines, and maintain a bloated workforce of friends and relatives who got the job because they know someone;
- Ensure Safcon can repatriate at least $100M of Kenyan's money to London, so that UK shareholders are happy and have enough money to hit the pub, and ensure tiny local shareholders keep getting their miniscule dividends yearly.
Dear Kenyans, Im sure you'll all be happy, as these rates will assist in progress of Kenya. You will still continue to enjoy exorbitantly priced low quality internet despite three cables landed in Mombasa. This progress must be defended at all costs.
Yours
B Ndemo
Defender in Chief of failing parastatals and unrealistic corporate profits.
Business opportunities are like buses,there's always another one coming