The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: Panadol?
Very good! And what is it used for?
It is used for headache.
The second pupil said: Piriton.
Excellent. And what it is used for?
To help you sleep.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: Viagra.
Johnny. What is it used for?
I think it can be used for diarrhea.
Who told you this?
Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, may be that little shit will get harder'

C&P
Have a hearty laugh!

Kibaki, Obasanjo and Mugabe got lost in the forest and were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told them they could live if they pass a test. The first step of the test was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three presidents went separate ways to gather fruits.

Kibaki came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the test to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in.. but on the second one Kibaki winced out in pain, so he was killed.

Obasanjo then arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the test to Obasanjo he thought this should be easy. So in they went
1..
2..
3..
4..
5..
6..
7..
8.. and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

Kibaki and Obasanjo met in heaven. Kibaki asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" Then Obasanjo replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw Mugabe coming with pineapples!"



Aha there you go.

On a university exam, students were asked to explain the
difference between ignorance and apathy.

The professor had to give an "A" to the student who wrote
"I don't know and I don't care."

C & P

Wanjiru, an eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result confirms that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half
an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their
house; a mature and distinguished man with grey
hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.
If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail
stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent,
places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll sleep with her again...

Foul Mouths

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.........

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

C&P
Mommy Ate It

For weeks a six-year-old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.



He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:



"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."



To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question:

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly off."

"The correct answer is four," said the teacher.... "But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ?

Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking her cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you think!"

A
professor wud tell dirty jokes in clas;the girls planed 2 protest .They decided; the next time the prof tells dirty jokes, they wil walk out in protest.The professor overheard abt the plan.At the start of the next lecture he said: "In Sweden a prostitute makes $2000 per night." All
the gals started walking out. He shouted : "Where are you going? The plane to Sweden doesn't take off until
the day after tomorrow."

Elephant: Camel you look wonderful with two boobs on your back.Camel: Oh, thank you elephant it sounds sexy that coming from a guy with a dick on his face.